As if it was not bad enough for teenage girls to ruin punk rock (Blink 182) and seeing two chicks making out (cause these dizzy broads do it all the fucking time now to get attention), they have now decided to take century old nightmares like vampires and werewolves and Lisa Frank them up. For a few years now, the Twilight Saga series of books have been all the rage. But if you did not have a teenage daughter then you never heard about it (cause most people do not read). Then came the Twilight movie, and now everyone knows about the star crossed love between Edward Cullen (played by the douche nozzle himself, Robert Pattinson), a 100 year old bedazzled (cause apparently he sparkles) vampire, and Bella (played by stoner Kristen Stewart), his delicious smelling love interest.
And the first one made a shit load of money. Retarded Harry Potter money. So now they are making the rest of the books, starting with the release of the second movie (in the proposed four film series) Twilight: New Moon set to be released on November 20.
Check out the trailer...
Hurt, didn't it? You might have noticed that there was not just a vampire in this flick, but also a werewolf (which means that we are expecting zombies, Nazis, or Imperial Storm troopers in the next one as apparently this series is insisting on ruining every manly villain we have).
There is no point in my even bothering to review this flick when it comes out, as we already know how it is going to go. I am going to say that this movie is more of Robert Pattinson taking the vampire character and sucking (no pun intended) everything cool out of being a vampire. Only this time there is a twist... Taylor Lautner gets to join in the fun douching up werewolves.
This harsh and seemingly shallow criticism is going to lead to three or four of you silly broads to email me, trying to somehow link my hatred for a bad movie about vampires who spend more time getting in touch with their feelings than drinking the blood of Man as to a sign that I am obviously too stupid to understand the deep subtext of this film.
I get it. They are star crossed lovers (due to his desire to eat her and not in the fun way)... they have a love and passion in their lives that you wish you had in your loveless day to day existance... We get it. Now let's get a hold of ourselves
(For the interest of the two or three of you who actually are interested in this flick, while I disrespect your taste I will provide the second preview for this flick. You're welcome...)