End of the year always means an abundance of lists get vomited out (usually because of the slow news cycles that the holiday also produces) about the best and worst of the year that is come to a close...and it won't be too different on this web site.
So without further ado, The Weekly Constitutional is proud to present you with its list of the Worst movies of 2010...
Worst Movies of 2010 (and yes, I saw them all)
10). Clash of the Titans
One might ask themselves how it would be possible, with all of our amazing effects, skills in script writing and direction, and a plot based not only on a wildly successful 80s flick but on the classic myths of the Greeks so entertaining that they managed to last throughout the ages, to ruin this film...
Casting Sam "The Walking Statue" Worthington as the lead, turning the pantheon of Gods upon Mount Olympus into Power Rangers, and forcing the film into 3D in order to add a gimmick to sell tickets would be a good way to start... Big time disappointment.
9). The Wolfman
I really liked the idea of Benicio Del Toro taking on the job of playing the classic styled Wolfman... until about maybe ten to fifteen minutes into the movie when the wheels fell off the wagon. A mailed in performance from Anthony Hopkins, who seems like he just won't say no to a script these days (please to be seeing any trailer for the new Thor flick if you don't believe me), doesn't help matters.
The wolfman makeup and transformation scenes were cool, but overall a dull and disappointing movie.
8). The Bounty Hunter
Coming off of 300, one would have thought that Gerard Butler would have been a huge action movie star, what with a void in solid male leads in the action movie genre. So, like The Rock and Vin Diesel before him, he did the most logical thing he could do... anything but make solid action movies.
Throw in ol' stink crotch (the seemingly undateable Jennifer Aniston) and you have a steaming pile of shit my wife is still paying me back for having to sit through. Utterly unwatchable.
The previews promised us a rip roaring action flick featuring angels with machine guns, all of Hell loosed upon Man, and the Wrath of God laid upon the Earth.
What we got was a two hour suckfest with a less than impressive story line, horrific acting, and dimly lit fight scenes that were more confusing and nausea inducing than they were entertaining. The cinematic equivalent to blue balls.
6). Grown Ups
Ten years ago, back when he was a funny guy, Adam Sandler could do no wrong. But then he suffered the same fate in sucess that Chevy Chase and Steve Martin got hamstrung with. because these days the guy couldn’t find a funny movie to be in if his life depended upon it.
What makes this film his most egregious one to date is that he managed to drag Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Collin Quinn (who is actually good in this movie), and Rob Schneider into his Circle of Suck. A few chuckle worth scenes here and there (mostly Kevin James being a fat oaf, which he is good at) but- with this murderer's row of comic minds signed on to the project- one expects much better.
5). Sex and the City 2
This movie should be much higher on the list, as any two and a half hour movie about four unfuckable women traipsing around the Middle East that does not end with them getting their clits carved out by savage wandering nomads should, but a) I knew what I was getting myself into when I sat down to watch it and b) The movies listed above it hurt me on a more personal level.
4). Jonah Hex
This was a movie I was looking forward to seeing, even with the casting of the film ruining harpy Megan Fox in the film. But an poorly thought out story, hammy acting by the leads (the usually dependable Josh Brolin and John Malkavic), and sloppy film making over all derail this movie early and make getting more than half way through it more of a chore than it is worth.
3). Avatar- The Last Airbender
Once upon a time M. Night Shyamalan was a solid director who produced good movies (I even enjoyed The Village and Lady in the Water). But then he got bitten by something I like to call Mark Walberg, an actor capable of ruining everything and everyone he comes in contact with (when cast as the lead).
The Last Airbender, based on the very entertaining and well written Nickelodeon cartoon series of the same name, is a slow paced joyless movie that leaves you contemplating suicide as it would walking out of the theater in order to end the suffering would take too long.
Steaming flying monkey shit.
Alpha male fathers of flaming homosexual sons are not filled with as much disappointment as Skyline.
It is never a good thing when a studio's biggest asset to try and sell an "End of the world via alien invasion" film (something that seems to be really making money these days) is that it is the cheapest one ever made. The only thing Skyline manages to successfully accomplish in its 88 minute running time is prove that while a lot of money does go into special effects there is also something to be said about the money spent on things like scripts, actors, directors, and locations.
It should also be noted that there is nothing enjoyable about a movie dealing with the end of the world via alien invasion when the whole fucking movie play out in a 1000 square foot apartment. It would also help if there was as much horror displayed by the characters for the nightmare unfolding before them as there was in the scene where one of the actresses in the movie attempts to smoke a cigarette.
1). The Back-Up Plan
Jennifer Lopez decided that her first movie back since going on a career hiatus to birth out some kids for Marc Anthony is a poorly conceived "comedy" about a woman trying to find love while being pregnant with test tube babies.
Bad gross out shtick, shit acting, unfunny "funny" moments, and Jennifer Lopez ten years too late all come together in this horrific rom/com that leaves you praying for not just for the death of the director and actors in this pile of shit but for the pimply faced teen in the gorilla cage that sold you the ticket for not telling you to avoid this train wreck.I lasted in this piece of shit for roughly thirty seven minutes.