Rock of Ages... more like Rock of Gayness...

supergayI promise you… nothing you will watch in your life will be gayer than you what you are about to see…

Not gay porn…

Not two men kiss each other for the first time in the bonds of holy matrimony…

Not even if you walk in on your father screwing your brother…                       

No, this trailer will be without a doubt the single gayest thing you will ever set your eyes upon…

RockOfAgesAnd what’s worse…

It’s gayness is the freaking highlight…

So sit back, relax… maybe fix yourself a little snack…

And be prepared to feast your eyes (and ears) upon the collapsing awfulness that is the Rock of Ages trailer…

 

 


Why Alec Baldwin…WHY?!?!?!?!?!

russell-brand-alec-baldwin-rock-of-ages

Videos of narco fighters getting their heads lopped off by chainsaw wielding madmen have done less to alter my opinion of man than this video has…

Never mind that some nothing suit at Warner Bros. felt less embarrassment green lighting this unadulterated hot mess as opposed as some semblance of an original idea put to script…

How about the fact that “We Built This City” (largely regarded as one of the worst rock songs ever arranged) is being heralded as some twisted rebel’s call in the streets of the Anytown, USA???

1308348113_rock-of-ages-tom-cruise-290Or that divorce has left Alec Baldwin and Tom Cruise (and, in what we can only describe as a preemptive move to shore up the ol’ war chest by the soon to be single once Katy Perry realizes just how low she balled comic limey actor, Russell Brand) so in need that- despite their recent accolades in television (Baldwin) and in movies (Cruise has been back to his hit making ways as of late) - these two titans felt it necessary to take this paycheck.

Or, and truly this might be the most important thing this nearly two hour bowel movement set to music might mean to the world, perhaps what we should be really worried about is the effects this schlock is going to have on the musical world (not musical in the swishy guys prancing about singing their lines but rather musical as in the state of music as a whole)…

What we are witnessing is the effects of Glee on our culture…

We have always had the musicals, but this recent decision(and successfulness, if we are going to speak honestly) to take the same tired musical theater genre and try to relevant the shit out of it by adding in glee clubbed versions of the pop and rock hits of yesteryear (as well as today) is a direct effect of Glee .

(Glee is also directly behind the inability to find fault with this horrific nonsense due to a rather brilliant ploy by the show’s creators and more flamboyant fans of making any and all complaints about the show to be nothing more than bullying being brought about by an increasingly hostile culture of homophobia and hyper-masculinity.)

It’s enough to make you want to shake Mark David Chapman’s hand (lest John had lived to see this become of his beloved rock n roll…)

Rock of Ages opens some time in 2012 (somewhat fitting, I might add…)

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