Too fat to be pop...

2014_rosie_the_riveter_flexing_her_arm_muscles_we_can_do_itThis website gets a lot of shit for being misogynistic.

And, to be fair, for the most part we earned that reputation...

but today’s the day we start taking it back...

Cause for once the world is not treating the fat ugly girl fairly...

 

This weekend I came across (and by “came across” I mean listening to the Top 20 Countdown with Spider Harrison on Sirius Hits 1.  I fully understand this is a song that is getting some spins on the pop stations.  Not trying to act like I discovered it or anything, so stop freaking out) this song by Adele, a big boned crooner out of England, entitled “Rolling in the Deep” off of her sophomore effort 21.

Why not have a quick listen before we continue (especially if you have never heard it... Worth your time I promise...)



What the... What the... Hell...

Great song, right???

Even if it isn’t your cup of tea (looking right at you dateless asshole in the Maiden shirt who proudly proclaims that he really did once turn away willing consensual sex because of a disagreement with the lass over whether or not Lemmy was in fact a deity...), admit it... your toes were tapping by the breakdown.

And it’s position on the countdown???

18.

Not even Top fucking Ten...

It was beaten out by the third remix of Cee Lo Green’s Fuck You (this one affectionately known as Forget You), Avril Lavigne announcing to the world the beginning of her slut period, KE$HA Square-ass’ latest four minutes of the same song, and 3 songs by Katy Perry.

katy-perry-breasts

THREE!!!!!

Not that I really have anything against Katy Perry.  To be truthful I rather like a few of her songs. 

But that said, the only reason Adele isn't a bigger pop artist than Katy Perry is that no one really ever sees themselves adele_280x390_449082aever wanting to stick their dicks into Adele. Nor a friend's dick for that matter…

In fact, it would be safe to say that- sans whiskey soaked blues singers and skinny brothers- no one has ever willingly thought of having sex with Adele.

Ever.

And that little bit of sad reality may very well explain why she has yet to break into the pop marketplace…

For some reason dumpy fat limey chicks that sing like black nightingales just can’t push product the way younger, significantly hotter possibly bi-curious chicks cooing out meaningless, empty club bangers can...

And in this case, it is dead freaking wrong.

I’m sure eventually the retro song stylings of the British Drew Barrymore doppelganger will garner the attention it deserves from the American audience. 

But until then know...

The only reason she isn’t is because you shallow pop radio ass nuggets can’t live with the idea that a fat girl is singing your dance music.

jessica-simpson-fat

I’m sure Jessica Simpson would agree... 

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