DC Comics announces a reboot to everything...

1837125-new_dc_lee_teaser_screenMuch of the world might not have felt it but there was a seismic shift in the comic book world on Tuesday…

On May 31st, DC Comics announced that starting in August every single title in the DC universe is either getting a reboot or dropped.

These reboots are not your typical “let’s freshen up a stale story with some hip new words and maybe some more modern hairstyles” that comic books fans have always kind of rolled with as the characters were passed on to a new generation of reader…

These are total reboots, going so far as to roll all issue numbers back to #1.

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In all, some 52 titles will end up being reimagined, complete with new costumes and new backstories, in a move being done by DC in a struggle to say relevant in an industry more and more being dominated by Marvel (Which don’t think for a moment isn’t assisted tremendously by Marvel’s attachment to not just movies but all the animated stuff they have all over TV).

The first book to be relaunched is expected to be Justice League (featuring 14 new members to the superhero all-star team with DC favorites Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Cyborg, and Flash at the core), kicking off the long expected story run by Jim Lee and Geoff Johns (swinging dicks in the faneroticacomic book world…).

Along with the changes of costume (and appearance I imagine) and backstory, DC has promised that their new line of books will have a more modern look and “feel” to them and that there will be a whole lot more diversity  in the DC Multiverse.(read this as “a popular middle tier hero will be gay… Not lesbian [the more accepted of the gay] but cock cravin’, show tune humming gay…. Also, while the easy money would say that Wonder Woman would be a lesbian, smart money goes to her going both ways and exclusively interracial.)

Abandon all hope ye who enter here…

No good can come of this…

While on its surface the idea of DC updating characters whose shtick may not have fared as well as the decades passed (ahem… Superman) or maybe have had their relevance forgotten about by the public oh these many years (Aquaman), over all this will not only end up disastrous for DC but will begin their utter demise.

old-school-supermanNot because of the changes being done to the characters…

Some of these changes (like the need to make Superman , arguably the marquee of the DC label, relevant in a world that desires flawed heroes) are much needed and have been for quite some time…

The idea for the changes is a bad idea because of where the changes are going to be coming from.

There are not changes coming from the fertile and creative mind of a writer, his imagination toying with every detail of his imagined hero but from the checklist of the sales department, intent on making sure that these characters will fit specific demographics and never EVER grow beyond these safe, demo specific creations intended to sell ad space.

Plan and simple.

This will no longer be a place where stories are told and legends created…

It will become just another cheap corporate structure always trying to be one step ahead of what’s hot….

Just watch…

Batman’s going to be all emo and perhaps a cutter…

gayaquamanSuperman will glitter in the yellow sun of Earth and always be brooding because he will never be able to fill the hole his destroyed planet left in his heart (this will be why he will also be an eco-warrior who every now and again goes savage on whaling vessels and ivory tusk hunters).

The comics, once upon a time able to be called the mythology of a modern age with a straight face, will become just like our pop culture… spaztic and fleeting.  Herking and jerking us to and fro, these books will spend forever chasing what the kids are into these days (all the while making sure that by “what the kids are into” they mean “what the kids are into that the advertisers are willing to support”… make no bones, this has everything to do with money), all the while never coming off as cool or exciting but rather as forced and fake.

They will eventually render themselves passé and be forgotten; no doubt replaced by someone daring to be different and do a more “old school” styled book.

And it will be a shame that it happens, but it may be what’s best…

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