Television

Man claims Marriage Ref ended marriage...

Jerry-Seinfeld-007I read a lot of stuff throughout the course of the day, so imagine my shock when I came across a story that really boggled my mind from the word go…

It’s a story about a Manhattan man who is blaming Jerry Seinfeld's latest TV hit for the ruination of his marriage.

According to the Fox News article, this 47 year old man- a Howie Kohlenberg- is blaming Jerry Seinfeld (along with his latest success story, NBC’s The Marriage Ref)on his marriage falling apart.

1266351917586_MarriageRef_cover_147_106Kohlenberg claims that following the appearance of he and his wife on the NBC show The Marriage Ref (which Seinfeld produces)- a show where the average everyday couples get to air their grievances about the other to a panel of celebrity jurors who then proceed to take sides (needless to say, hilarity ensues)- his wife became obsessed with the glitz and glamor of fame and drove their family bankrupt trying desperately to create a Real Housewives style reality show for herself.

Needless to say, he is now struggling to pay his mortgage and the delusional cunt who managed to take a fun TV spot and turn it into the worst thing either of them could have ever done got to go off on her own with some Canadian movie producer she met while filming an indie flick.

Kohlenberg claims it was the TV show’s producers that planted the fame bug in his wife’s head, pouring the sweet potion of fortune and glory into the willing ears of the monkeys they needed to dance for the camera.

"The people on the show were pumping us up, saying, 'You're going to wake up and be stars. You're going to be famous and make money.' The producer kept saying her lips looked great, and all of a sudden she was getting a lot of Botox," he recalled.

"Now she's getting this huge head. She wants to do Playboy. We almost got kicked off the show because she was putting racy photos on Facebook. I'm not saying our marriage was perfect, but it put it in a whole new direction. It was the nail in the coffin. She had all these ideas that 'I have to live my life and be an actress.' "

 

Carnies and Rubes…

 

Awwww… did the rube get fed a line of bullshit by some asshole TV producer just to make it work on camera only to discover that it is nothing but lies????

 

I kind of feel bad for this stupid fuck…

I recall back when I was a freshman in high school (I believe the kids are calling that “the day”), I was seeing this girl named Stephanie.

How-to-French-KissStephanie was nice and sweet and very helpful with things like math and learning how to French kiss during study hall.

That said, if you were planning say a swimsuit fashion show you might not have wanted Stephanie’s help, let alone her presence.

She wasn’t a fat girl per say… to be truthful she wasn’t fat at all.. she was actually rather squatty in size and had damn near her entire upper torso take up by cartoonishly large breasts (which, when you are 14 years old and weaned a bit too early from Mother was a super duper turn on) and had a face that would stop traffic.

But she liked me (which was rare during those awful days of freshman year) and was willing to touch my penis without the exchange of marijuana to do so, so it would have to do.

Besides, she did help me with math.

Anyways, so for about three months, things between me and Stephanie were as right as an oddly held together through lightning fast make out sessions after gym class and some harmless handholding in between classes relationships go.

Then it happened…

Stephanie had gone to the mall with her mother and grandmother for something or another when they were came upon by a con man. 

hatchet-face11He feigned excitement and shrieked about how he had found the face he had been looking for all day long. (Now, let me reiterate… Stephanie was a nice girl and had many uses but there would be no circumstance where upon someone would look at her and say that her face was the face they had been searching for all day. For all intents and purposes, Stephanie was just another brown haired, brown eyes chubby faced Hispanic girl (with giant cartoon boobs) wandering around Central Florida with too big a nose and no discernible chin or neck).

Being the parent (and grandparent) of the child not even relatives ever said was beautiful, Stephanie’s mother and grandmother were putty in the hustler’s hands and it took him no time at all to separate them from their money… roughly three hundred dollars in poorly taken head shots and another two as a down payment for modeling classes.

Needless to say, there never were modeling classes.  It had all been a hustle by the can artist. But that didn’t stop the change in my sweet Stephanie.

This once charming and charismatic girl (being that way in order to try and compensate for her less desired features) began getting too big for little old me, believing that she was no longer willing to allow herself to be lowered to the stock of the Star Wars dork too busy writing his little stories in Math Class to concentrate on note taking and decided to trade up. (Apparently, “trading up” for her meant going to a JV football party and blowing a linebacker in front of a few people.  From that day forth she was known as Jizzanie because of how the linebacker decided to repay her uninhibited kindness).

She dumped me for no other reason than she thought she could do much better than me and thought that it was I who was holding her back (not her miserable genetic draw and propensity to have second desserts).

 

But in all of my empathy, I can’t say that any of these happenings are the fault of anyone other than this Kohlenberg cat and his no good slag of a wife.

He should have known the manner of wife that he had and resisted this going on television in the first place knowing that his wife might be one of those needs attention types (which all accounts are currently pointing to a very vociferous YES) that may react poorly to the cameras being around.  Granted, he may have thought it would have been no worse than just a few emasculating moments on television of him having to put up with his harpy of a wife but he should have seen the odd chance that running off with a low rent Canadian movie producer (who no doubt was cuckolding the hell out of this guy long before she finally up and left him) was just as much in the cards as a good time being had by all was in them.

To me, Kohlenberg sounds like one of these threesome assholes who badger their broads into bringing another woman into bed only to be shocked when the relationship invariably goes south (and don’t give me this polyamorous nonsense… if you and your broad are in a committed, loving relationship there is no way the two of you could watch someone else put the screws to the other and not be a little jealous)…

Like dogs, they live for the moment; disregarding the aftershocks of everything we do in life.

If by this point anyone has yet to realize the poison that inviting television cameras into your home familial suicide… the wreckage of celebrity and civilian families alike festooned along out hallowed halls of entertainment not enough to warn you off, then- sadly- you may very well be getting just what you deserve.

You have my empathy friend… but seriously, you warranted to be cuckolded and left to ruination.  

mormon-pole-dancingBut, and I do so out of mercy, perhaps a word of encouragement for our friend, Mr. Kohlenberg…

While there is no chance you will ever repair the damage left between you and your once wife, take heart that you will be able to see her naked again as eventually she will have to turn to the torrid world of underground pornography (as unless you are a fresh 18 year old with the best aftermarket tits money can buy and a -3 waist, there is no chance of making any films with one of the mainstream companies) doing three to four scenes a night… Just think, for the simple price of $9.99/ month you will have the distinct pleasure of watching her regret ever being on that show day after day after day.  It may not bring together your finances or fill the now collapsing hole in your heart, but it will make you feel a little better…

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