All the News that's Shit- 8/4/14 - Page Two...

Kerry steps on his dick during Israeli/Hamas ceasefire attempt. 

8414-shit-kerryfool6Thankfully (or tragically, depending on how much you enjoy watching humiliation play out on a global stage), our Congress is hardly the most embarrassing thing that our Government has to offer. 

Sec. of State John. Kerry, given the unenviable job of trying to stand between the Israelis and Hamas as they do their dance of death, managed to further complicate matters as he tirelessly worked on his Peace Prize -er, work out a cease fire- in the weeks old intensification of Israeli aggression in the fight started by the militant Palestinian group.  

Instead of trying to work out a deal with the Palestinian Authority and Egypt- both of whom had been trying to work something out with the Israeli government- choosing to instead try and hammer out a deal with the Qatar and  Turkey- two of Hamas' biggest supporters. The move didn't bring peace. Rather, it weakened the American hand in trying to negotiate a peace between the two groups (which The Weekly Constitutional has claimed to be futile if true peace is what we desire), as well as alienating our nation from one of its strongest allies in the region.  

Doctor stops a potential mass shooting... With a gun...

8414-shit-guntargetA whackadoo going by the name Richard Plotts opened fire inside of the Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital wellness center in Darby Borough on July 24. He brought the gun, which he obtained illegally for the third time, intent on killing his psychiatrist, a Dr. Lee Silverman. Reports claim that after being driven into a rage (or seeing a prime opportunity, given your perspective) upon seeing the center was a declared "gun free" zone, Plotts drew his weapon and shot his case worker, a Mrs. Theresa Hunt, in the head.  

But as it turns out, Plotts wasn't the only one rebelling against the declared "gun free zone". Dr. Silverman, himself also armed, managed to fire six rounds, catching Plotts with two shots to the chest and another to the arm. 

The disarmed madman was then able to be safely subdued as he tried to crawl away. 

Plotts was arraigned in his hospital chair while Dr. Silverman, healing from injuries he received while subduing the maniac, released pictures of his war wounds on a Facebook.

A potential mass shooting brought to a quick and favorable end by an armed civilian wanting nothing more than to protect his life and the peace he craves... Just think if he hadn't been the only one.... 

The torrid dark side of Comic Con... 

8414-shit-sluttyquinn7It turns out that there is nothing safe from the clutches of our hideous rape culture... Not even worlds of fun and fantasy. 

As San Diego (and other cities) Comic Cons become more and more popular, women are speaking out more and more about the unwanted sexual advancements and out and out harassment that they are experiencing. 

Usually dressed somewhat provocative (as they emulate their favorite sci-if and fantasy characters), the women- some of whom are elaborately dressed and very attractive- claim that strangers paw at them while they pose for pictures with them.

The issue has been a problem for years, the women claim (and I personally can attest to), but recently- with the conventions drawing larger and more diverse crowds- the issue has become an epidemic, forcing the women to strike up a petition demanding that the conventions have stricter rules against such incidents (which many of the conventions already have).

I always find these stories a bit taxing, as I do see where the women are coming from (I really do... In my years of attending such conventions I have always dissuaded my chick from dressing up. She, like many of these women I'm sure, likes to wear the fun and provocative outfits for her own pleasure and benefit; the side effect of drawing unwanted male attention never once popping on their radar. I've talked her out of it referring to this very behavior, too many times having seen for myself how these girls get talked into talking pictures wit subpages who misinterpret sexy clothes and friendly demeanors and a willingness to be a fuck toy). 

But I also see how such incidents could be avoided (if not totally, then severely cut down) by just not taking pictures with these strangers. You don't know them,most why do it. You wouldn't do it in your street clothes... Why do it when dressed as Harley Quinn????

The Twinkling Lights on the Horizon...

8414-shit-toronto-ufo8It wouldn't be The Weekly Constitutional if we didn't close with some strange blinking lights that got everyone's panties up in a bundle...

Glowing lights were seen over the skies of Toronto, promoting the internet to explode with videos of the phenomenon while calls to the police melted the switchboards. 

The glowing lights were seen on the evening of Saturday July 26, lingering in the sky for roughly 25 minutes. 

While the people collectively believed that the lights were those of alien craft visiting the Canadian Strip Club capital, the Mounties had a more logical theory...


 “Remote controlled drones, you can buy them in any model store anywhere in the city,” Constable Brian Harper told The Globe and Mail. “Put some lights up on them and fly them around the building.”


We'd like to say something cool like "the truth is out there" or maybe "trust no one" but truthfully, in 2014- with every piece of high tech, cinema quality camera equipment available to the masses- for the best videos of a suspected UFO sighting seen over a bustling metropolis like Toronto to be a few far off blinking lights seems a bit suspect. 






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