All the News that's Shit- 8/4/14

8414-shit-biden1A new book dishing the dirt on our Nation's most powerful families is claiming that the female agents of the Secret Service have a particular dislike for ending up on Joe Biden duty. No, not because he is a raving cunt, like Hillary Clinton (said to be the most hated assignment in all of the Secret Service), but because he likes to go for naked late night swims. Every freaking night. 

And just think... that's just the throw away tease...

So sit back, relax, and prepare yourself for this week's helping of this week's shit...

(Truthfully, they just bleed into one another after a while....)

Obama has started handling that clutter at our southern border... By importing the illegals himself. 

8414-shit-sombrero2In an effort to save the lives of illegals streaming over the border at an ever increasing rate, President Obama has decided to steer into the skid and simply fly the illegals attempting to gain entry into the United States.

In a plan seemingly more interested in drawing the Republicans into an impeachment fight (more on that in a minute) than it is trying to curb the flood of illegals making a dangerous and ill conceived journey across Central America, the President has proposed a deal with the leader of Honduras to simply fly out the minors and their guardians of the Central American nation. The President justifies the move (and his Constitutional authority to do so) by claiming that the children (and their families) are not illegals as his political opponents (and their racist constituents) would call them but rather refugees fleeing the persecution of poverty, drug gangs, and an otherwise dead end existence of hopelessness.

In other words, the same sort of life the poverty stricken children of Detroit, Chicago, and south central Los Angeles can expect for themselves. 

While we are speaking about the Hell that is quickly becoming our Southern border, there have been more and more bodies of illegals (including children) turning up all over the 45 miles between the true border (where the coyotes drop their flesh cargo off to fend for themselves) and the position of the Federal Border guards (which Texas Gov. Rick Perry alleges the president has them posted so far off the border to change the classification of the illegals when they are come across; forcing detainment as they were caught within the American soil as opposed to outright deportation had they been caught at the border itself).

But the strains of immigration are not just felt at the border towns of America...

Congress goes batshit with futility....

8414-shit-BrokenCongress3Congress, a fairly useless governing body at this point with the House republicans too scared to mount any real opposition to President Obama and the Senate acting as a Dam for what little legislative progress is made as Harry Reid just parks bills without giving them a vote. 

But the pressure all came to a dramatic head on Friday as Rep. 

Nancy Pelosi, enraged by the hurtful truths being spouted by Pennsylvania a Rep. Tom Marino as to Democratic short comings in addressing the immigration issue during their glorious two years of total rule during the early days of the Obama Administration, broke several protocols of the chamber; cumulating in her storming across the floor shaking her finger as she cursed Marino for his insolence. 

Worthless Parliaments and a tone deaf tyrant running shit willie nillie... In just 6 short years, Obama has transformed this country into a worthless European state. Change we can believe in, that's for sure... 

Lots of people talking impeachment... But not who you would think...

8414-shit-impeach4Jesus, this went Obama heavy, but they all interconnect, I swear... 

Lord Barrack, fiddling as the world burns, kept himself busy doing more "campaigning" and fund raising. But he did make time to address the pressing issues...

Sounding more like a schoolyard beat than the leader of the free world, Barry implored that the Republicans needed to "... stop being mad all the time. Stop, stop, stop just hatin’ all the time." The comments were made in reference to whispers of impeachment swirling around the Capital as the Republicans she the President for abuses of power. 

But the Republicans had already walked away from impeachment the day before, with Speaker Boehner coming out saying impeachment was "off the table". 

Yet the chatter continued all week, with emails bursting with donation letters crying out for a last ditch campaign to save King Barrack from the usurpers swirling around him and talking points making their way to friendly media... 


*Chart stats courtesy of Nate Silver

Some people would say this is the way the government of a banana republic acts... 

Kerry steps on his dick during Israeli/Hamas ceasefire attempt. 

8414-shit-kerryfool6Thankfully (or tragically, depending on how much you enjoy watching humiliation play out on a global stage), our Congress is hardly the most embarrassing thing that our Government has to offer. 

Sec. of State John. Kerry, given the unenviable job of trying to stand between the Israelis and Hamas as they do their dance of death, managed to further complicate matters as he tirelessly worked on his Peace Prize -er, work out a cease fire- in the weeks old intensification of Israeli aggression in the fight started by the militant Palestinian group.  

Instead of trying to work out a deal with the Palestinian Authority and Egypt- both of whom had been trying to work something out with the Israeli government- choosing to instead try and hammer out a deal with the Qatar and  Turkey- two of Hamas' biggest supporters. The move didn't bring peace. Rather, it weakened the American hand in trying to negotiate a peace between the two groups (which The Weekly Constitutional has claimed to be futile if true peace is what we desire), as well as alienating our nation from one of its strongest allies in the region.  

Doctor stops a potential mass shooting... With a gun...

8414-shit-guntargetA whackadoo going by the name Richard Plotts opened fire inside of the Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital wellness center in Darby Borough on July 24. He brought the gun, which he obtained illegally for the third time, intent on killing his psychiatrist, a Dr. Lee Silverman. Reports claim that after being driven into a rage (or seeing a prime opportunity, given your perspective) upon seeing the center was a declared "gun free" zone, Plotts drew his weapon and shot his case worker, a Mrs. Theresa Hunt, in the head.  

But as it turns out, Plotts wasn't the only one rebelling against the declared "gun free zone". Dr. Silverman, himself also armed, managed to fire six rounds, catching Plotts with two shots to the chest and another to the arm. 

The disarmed madman was then able to be safely subdued as he tried to crawl away. 

Plotts was arraigned in his hospital chair while Dr. Silverman, healing from injuries he received while subduing the maniac, released pictures of his war wounds on a Facebook.

A potential mass shooting brought to a quick and favorable end by an armed civilian wanting nothing more than to protect his life and the peace he craves... Just think if he hadn't been the only one.... 

The torrid dark side of Comic Con... 

8414-shit-sluttyquinn7It turns out that there is nothing safe from the clutches of our hideous rape culture... Not even worlds of fun and fantasy. 

As San Diego (and other cities) Comic Cons become more and more popular, women are speaking out more and more about the unwanted sexual advancements and out and out harassment that they are experiencing. 

Usually dressed somewhat provocative (as they emulate their favorite sci-if and fantasy characters), the women- some of whom are elaborately dressed and very attractive- claim that strangers paw at them while they pose for pictures with them.

The issue has been a problem for years, the women claim (and I personally can attest to), but recently- with the conventions drawing larger and more diverse crowds- the issue has become an epidemic, forcing the women to strike up a petition demanding that the conventions have stricter rules against such incidents (which many of the conventions already have).

I always find these stories a bit taxing, as I do see where the women are coming from (I really do... In my years of attending such conventions I have always dissuaded my chick from dressing up. She, like many of these women I'm sure, likes to wear the fun and provocative outfits for her own pleasure and benefit; the side effect of drawing unwanted male attention never once popping on their radar. I've talked her out of it referring to this very behavior, too many times having seen for myself how these girls get talked into talking pictures wit subpages who misinterpret sexy clothes and friendly demeanors and a willingness to be a fuck toy). 

But I also see how such incidents could be avoided (if not totally, then severely cut down) by just not taking pictures with these strangers. You don't know them,most why do it. You wouldn't do it in your street clothes... Why do it when dressed as Harley Quinn????

The Twinkling Lights on the Horizon...

8414-shit-toronto-ufo8It wouldn't be The Weekly Constitutional if we didn't close with some strange blinking lights that got everyone's panties up in a bundle...

Glowing lights were seen over the skies of Toronto, promoting the internet to explode with videos of the phenomenon while calls to the police melted the switchboards. 

The glowing lights were seen on the evening of Saturday July 26, lingering in the sky for roughly 25 minutes. 

While the people collectively believed that the lights were those of alien craft visiting the Canadian Strip Club capital, the Mounties had a more logical theory...


 “Remote controlled drones, you can buy them in any model store anywhere in the city,” Constable Brian Harper told The Globe and Mail. “Put some lights up on them and fly them around the building.”


We'd like to say something cool like "the truth is out there" or maybe "trust no one" but truthfully, in 2014- with every piece of high tech, cinema quality camera equipment available to the masses- for the best videos of a suspected UFO sighting seen over a bustling metropolis like Toronto to be a few far off blinking lights seems a bit suspect. 






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