All the News that's Shit- 8/25/14 - Page Two

ISIS gone wild (and beheady…)


 Earlier this week, ISIS released a video depicting the brutal murder of James Foley, a photojournalist the group captured. In the video, the group made Foley read a statement proclaiming American guilt in his 25814-shit-foley-b4untimely demise, followed by a masked man cutting off his head with a knife. 

And now, the world knows who that masked man was...

British rapper turned radicalized jihadist, Abdel-Majed Abdel Bary (who rapped under the handle L. Jimmy, but is now known in the Intelligence game as "John the Beatle”.)

 [Fun Fact: American intelligence has taken to referring to certain members of ISIS as "The Beatles" because of their British accents.]

 In more ISIS news, the terror group known for setting the Middle East on fire is starting to dominate twitter. They took the opportunity of the 6.2 earthquake that struck San Francisco on Sunday to remind the Twitterverse how much they long to kill Americans. This followed a tweet earlier in the day in which a Jihadist claiming to be in the Carolinas somewhere longed to unleash Jihad all over a popular mall in Charlestown, South Carolina. 

 Starting to think we maybe should have tried to smother these motherless fucks back when they were a JV terror group. 

 Barry O’s Wet, Hot American Summer… 

25814-shit-ObamaGolfThis brings us to Lord Barrack, who was on vacation and playing a shitload of golf this week. This drew him a lot of flack over the past weekend and week, as the Middle East got worse, the Border got worse, Ferguson got worse (but then got a little better, but it could have been because the narrative of the gentle giant getting ruthlessly gunned down by a foaming at the mouth black male hatin' cop began unraveling by midweek as reports of eyewitnesses corroborating the story of the officer and a video featuring Michael Brown goon arming an elderly store owner as he stole some cheap cigars began taking hold in the public). So much flack, in fact, that our fearless leader had to return to Washington... To attend a five hour Bachelor Party at the house of former White House chef Sam Kass. 

There is a stereotype that racists like to throw at black folk... One of them "getting lazy" on their employers after a few good bits... I remember a real, honest to goodness racist I used to do stucco with back in what I hear the kids call "the day" told  this really awful joke on a near daily basis (admittedly I did laugh like a retard upon hearing it, but it was an awful joke...) about a certain color of crayon seemingly to just stop working all together after a few days of coloring with it. (I'm actually pretty sure he repackaged a bit that Bubba the Love Sponge would play, now that I am thinking about it)... Barry O.'s track record as of late does little to dispel that horrific stereotype held by these primitive thinking jerks (or is intentionally being fed into, in order to cover the true intentions of destruction and tyranny that Lord Barrack the Bachelor Party Rain Maker has in his heart and actions.)

 The Thigh Bone shouldn't be there, let alone connect to anything… 

 Sadly, this week brought no decent UFO videos...


But it did bring a real head scratcher from the Mars a Rover. Check out this picture and tell me why there is a thigh bone laying on the surface of the red planet??? Now, hit the X-Files music. 



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