For two hours, America had its eyes focused on a silver helium balloon floating along for 50 miles in the Colorado horizon with what people believed was a six year ld trapped in a box attached to the balloon. But when the balloon landed and searchers turned up with an empty box, it was then revealed that the boy had not been in the box but rather hiding out in a box inside of his family garage attic.
Fucking little prick. Do you realize that for two hours I was envisioning this little kid playing Flight of the Navigator for real (something I wanted to do my entire childhood) only to find out that he was hiding in the attic in what might have been an elaborate rouse by his parents to further their fifteen minutes of fame??? Two fucking hours!!!
I don't spend two hours worrying about my own children... ever.
But today for two hours, this little bastard (pictured here with the rest of his family... he is the circled one) had me and the rest of us for that matter, watching our local news feed at the edge of our seats (cause as much as we liked watching this, the news fucking loved reporting on this. How much you wanna bet the news director who broke this little ditty didn't cum as he learned the details...) It was baby fucking Jessica all over again (for those of you too young to recall, Baby Jessica was a little Texas girl who fell in a well in the 80s. That was a media circus. They had monkeys taking her ham sandwiches, people lowering teddy bears down the well with ropes. Candle light vigils and moon lit lullabies performed by well wishers and on lookers.)
Though to be honest, lil' Falcon is really just drawing my blind rage. At the end of the day, I am much angrier with his knuckle headed fucking parents... Richard and Mayumi Heene.
Did they even bother looking for the kid before they started screaming about him being trapped inside of a runaway balloon to the media??? He was in the attic. That would have meant there was a ladder just standing idle in the middle of the garage beneath a hole in the ceiling leading into said attic. Not sure about any of you three reading this, but I am pretty sure that is the first place I look.
So in the end, I hate little Falcon, for wasting my time.
I hate his parents, mainly for procreating but also for being media whores.
And I also hate myself for wanting ever so badly to be able to deny that I was driving around Tampa after watching a few minutes of coverage of this nonsense wishing that it could have been me flying around in that helium balloon playing Flight of the Navigator.
Fucking kids today get everything...