In something out of a Cold War nightmare, the skies above northern Virginia boomed and flashed as Russian rockets slowly dwindled to Earth.
OK, so maybe I kind of wrote that the way I did in order to insinuate that the Russians were attacking. And while this is in fact a story about Russian space junk, not about the thousand of ICBMs those red sons of bitches have aimed at us on a hair trigger intent on wiping out the Eastern seaboard at a moment's notice signaling the end of the world as we know it and the rise of post apocalyptic roving bands of nomadic cannibals intent on raping and devouring everyone and everything in their path, it is important to keep that threat of the Red Death ever present. Never trust a Hun... that's what Patton said!
Anyways, enough propaganda. Back to the space junk...
Sunday night, the 911 switchboards for the Norfolk and Virginia Beach area started blowing up with reports of a loud booming noise and bright flashes of light filling the sky. As the haughty Northern Virginians began regretting chuckling off the tabloids claims that Obama is having secret meetings with alien economists offering solutions for our present day economic woes, a plausible (though still terrifying) explanation came from the government to quiet the jittery populous. Turns out that the entire hullabaloo was caused by the rocket boosters from a Russian spaceship exploding during re-entry into Earth's atmosphere... right over America.
I wonder if Obama is regretting cutting that missile interception program right about now.
Of course the U.S. Space Surveillance Network towed the government line, so you wacky conspiracy theorists keep those thoughts that this is all a cover up for the beginnings of World War III to yourself. And there has been no word from the Russians telling us that they are smiting us to the Stone Age to make us pay for years and years of being Americans. So for all intents and purposes, this seems to be nothing more than just another piece of space junk making its way back to terra firma, which leads us down a completely different path o' paranoia. Just think... it is entirely possible for some unlucky city along the East coast to have bits of smoldering Russian rocket shrapnel raining down on them.
Either way, be it the beginning of the end or a good time for someone to try and bluff their way out of work by predicting an oncoming plague, the Russians are at the root of all this madness. And nothing good comes from the Russians...