Malawi to ban public farting...

no-farting-malawi-e1296500144974With the recent news that President Obama's Health Care bill has been struck as "unconstitutional" by a federal magistrate; many Americans are worried about how such embarrassing news might be received abroad by those fledgling democracies for which America tries to act as a role model.

To those people (as sad and as empty as I see your lives for giving a flying fuck about this) I say we must remember that we must be a role model in both times good and troubled...

Think we are the only nation fighting about the Constitutionality of certain elements of a law???

Let me tell you about Malawi, the nation that is trying to ban farting.

africamapAccording to a report in the BBC, in the African nation of Malawi there are two political officials that seem to be at odds about whether or not a bill about the willful pollution of the local atmosphere included the act of farting.

It is the opinion of Justice Minister George Chaponda that the new bill would criminalize farting in the interest of public decency.

"Just go to the toilet when you feel like farting," he told local radio.

The nation's Solicitor General, Anthony Kamanga, on the other hand, is unwaveringly convinced that the only sane way this bill could be interpreted is to mean "Air Pollution" , not flatulents.

fart-tp"How any reasonable or sensible person can construe the provision to criminalizing farting in public is beyond me," he said, adding that the prohibition contained in the new law has been in place since 1929.

The Local Courts Bill, to be introduced next week reads: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighborhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."

Despite the efforts being made to clarify this point with Justice Chaponda, he is sticking to his anti-fating law.

crosselves"Would you be happy to see people farting anyhow?" he asked on the popular "Straight Talk" program on Malawi's Capital Radio.  He went on to say that the law would be enforced just like public urination and that he would leave it up to the local chiefs to flesh out the punishments.

 

 

Pull my finger...

Wow does this Chaponda guy really have an issue with people cutting gassers... 

fartPrior to hearing of this dispute I would have thought that the lingering stinks of even the worst farts would have been masked in Africa by the stench of pack animals, death, and the other stinks usually associated with abject poverty and improper sanitation methods. But apparently-  at least in the mind Justice Chaponda- that stink that lingers in the Malawian air is nothing more than the ass ripping of the uncivilized Malawian people who (I am left to assume) are just unleashing putrid beefers day and bloody night.

While I am sure something this stupid will be sorted out with a very frank conversation about the law behind closed doors, there is a tiny part of me that would love to see this get really ugly...

See the Malawian people, growing tired of an oppressive government dictating their every move, taking the "anti-farting law" as the final straw and- drawing inspiration from Egypt and Tunisia- take their anger to the streets. Pro and anti farting forces clash in the streets of Malawi; the screams of the slaughtered and cracking of bone under blunt machete blade drowning out the whimsical "BRRRRRRRRRPPPPPTTTT" of rebelling assholes...

Personally, I get the feeling this might be nothing more than a reverse swerve where the Chaponda guy is in the pocket of stimpy-fart1polluting industries that would be the direct and primary target of this law and he is trying to get the law rejected knowing the deep love the Malawian people have for blowing ass trumpets.

I would also like to see some American politicians take up this cause in the good ol USA...

My wife is pregnant and I need to find a way to stop the nightly trumpet solos that make the air under my covers smell like a meth lab.

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