We at The Weekly Constitutional are some pro-drug motherfuckers…
Pro-pot… pro-all other kinds of drugs (as the two movements are different with weed being the more likely to garner majority public support while the latter is more likely to turn off supporters as it is a little out there)… Pro to use (for any reason, not just medicinally), pro to sell (legally), pro to tax…
But that doesn’t mean we don’t think that there are drugs you probably shouldn’t do.
Here are some of the new ways the kids have found to get high while you assholes are busy breaking balls over a little weed…
Drugs even we are scared of…
“Soccer Mom Moonshine”, as the kids’ call it, has become the go to method for suburban kids with locked up liquor cabinets at home and no fake IDs to get their crunk on. Quick and easily attainable, just a few shots of this 120 proof anti-bacterial liquor will have your mind buzzing, your stomach churning, and perhaps a visit to the ER due to alcohol poisoning.
Oh, and it lowers the human species’ defenses in our constant battle to resist the deadly bacteria our planet produces to try and eradicate us.
Dubbed “the Drug that eats Junkies” by European media, this “Do It Yourself” Russian designer drug (made from the lethal combinations of gasoline, battery acid, and codeine that has similar effects to heroin)that guarantees the user will lose a limb. The drug receives its ominous name from the green scaly skin it leaves the user with just before the gangrene (brought about by the extreme vascular damage its usage brings about) forces them to amputate. It is instantly addictive and lethal.
Needless to say, it’s the second most popular drug in Mother Russia and starting to make its way through Europe and America.
A Nazi drug made by combining gasoline, brake fluid, charcoal, and other toxins with decongestant that rots out teeth, destroys the brain, and drives ever user into the arms of sleep deprived madness. It’s rising popularity is attributed to it being dirt cheap and able to be made at home (but beware DIYers… if you screw up the meth making process in the slightest, you will blow up your car/garage/trailer).
Sold sort of legally in bodegas and shady haji stores (usually next to the shitty glass one hitters and the tin grinders with a Jamaican lion on the lid), this novelty drug gives the user a meth-like high that- if we are to believe our Federal babysitters- activates the zombie virus placed within us by NWO in the swine flu virus (before you ask, the "zombie virus" is said to be part of a soft kill genocide plot intended to thin out the collective human herd as well as facilitate the consolidation of global control... the more you know...). All kidding aside, the OTC drug (and their flower scented counterparts the kids from the suburbs will be stealing from their mom while she is running errands) leads to extreme paranoia and mild dementia and a few deaths.