Eating tofu does make you less of a man...

 

Maybe it is all the tofu that made Moby so soft and doughy...I knew it!!  I knew it!!!  They called me intolerant, hateful, and sexist but God damn it, I knew I was right.  For years I have been screaming from the highest mountaintop that eating tofu made you less of a man.  And lookie lookie, I was right.  Eat that Moby...


Experts claim that soy based foods, like Tofu, may be responsible for lowering testosterone levels in men as well as hampering thyroid function, which leads to weight gain and disrupted hormone levels.  tofuOf course, this is something that should have the vegetarians among us shaking in thier boots, as vegetarians use soy products in order to supplement into their diets important amino acids the body finds in meat (because humans are supposed to eat meat).


While it would just seem to right thinking Americans who enjoy the taste of a steak every now and again that these side effects of soy products would seem like nothing more that God's usage of natural selection as a way to breed hippies out of the population.  But as it turns out, this is something that should have all of us shrieking with terror.  Soy (in various forms) is actually a common ingredient in many products that would be commonly found in the cabinets and pantries of just about any American home.  Hidden under ingredient labels such as soya flour, hydrolyzed vegetable protein, and vegetable oil, soy products turn up in products such as breakfast cereals, cheese, cakes, noodles, gravies, and sandwich spreads.


Too much tofu made Koko a little fruity...While the studies have continued to show positive effects in regards to women (such as easing the discomfort of menopause), researchers at Edinburgh University have found that baby male monkeys given soy milk have been shown to have inhibited testosterone levels in their bodies.  These level issues have the researchers concerned about reproduction and the creature's ability to ward off disease.  Of course, before we start jamming steaks down the throats of limp wristed vegans, let us try and remember that these results do not tell us exactly how much soy milk these lil' monkeys where fed.  For all we know, the researchers might have very well been marinating these simians in soy milk for hours a day.


Now I know that this is going to do nothing to deter nonmeat eating members of our society will not care about what these test results say about their lifestyle, the belief that they are doing something good for the critters of the world.  But that being said, the fact that there is now proof showing that tofu does in fact make you less of a man should be enough to get at least one poor 19 year old guy from going down the vegan trail in order to impress the loose hippie chick living in the dorm is a total win.


Now let's go kill something and eat it.

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