The Ancient Nuclear Wars of Barsoom...

12214-marsnuke-warlord2When I was a kid, I used to read the Warlord of Mars series... Swashbuckling tales of Martian warriors of various colors and makes warring among themselves on the ancient face of an alien world until they finally exhausted its resources and succumbed to the calls of the ancestors... 

They were awesome (and not cause every female character was a busty, underdressed sexpot that always found herself in the most cataclysmic of distresses and quite willing to do anything to repay the heroic gestures of the hero, Civil War vet and inter-dimensional traveler, John Carter.. Well, not entirely...)...

I always knew they were fiction... Total works of fantastic pulp fantasy spewed from the brain Edgar Rice Burroughs... But I really, really wanted them to be true. And as it turns out, they just might have been... 

A big brain has climbed down from the lofty ivory tower of Academia with a new theory on the fare of ancient 12214-marsnuke-BrandenburgMars... And it's really something out of Burroughs' classic work. The theory, coming from the beautiful mind of a Dr. John Brandenburg, goes a little something like this: 

Millions of years ago there were two great civilizations on the surface of Mars (which at the time looked much like Earth only Mars-y), the Cydonians and Utopian (names that he made up for the sake of argument, based upon the regions where they were theorized to have been located). They were humanoid creatures, bipedal and somewhat similar to man, and lived wonderful Martian lives of technological and spiritual perfection. Until a thermonuclear explosion eradicated the civilizations from the face of the world... And with them, the life that had once existed on the planet. 

He bases this first part of this theory (as it gets nuttier) on the odd findings the rovers have relayed back to Earth. In 2011, Dr. Brandenburg gained some attention by theorizing that there had been an nuclear explosion on Mars, though at the time he had believed it to be a freak natural occurrence event (|there is evidence that a similar sort of freak natural phenomenon occurred in the Great Lake region some two hundred million years ago). At the time, he theorized that the thin layer of radiation that washed over the surface of the alien world, with traces of uranium, thorium and radioactive potassium covering every inch of the planet. 

12214-marsnuke-nukechart


He added the part of the civilizations existing there upon studying the various odd pictures we have all seen which seem to show the ruins of long demolished ancient buildings and structures. 

But as he studied that data from the rovers concerning the Martian atmosphere, he found something that he shouldn't have... An abnormally high concentration of Xenon-129 (apparently a foreign substance on the alien world). 

This little element, something he hadn't been expecting to discover, forced him to reevaluate his natural nuclear event theory with something a bit more plausible... 

It turns out that the two great Martian civilizations where not destroyed by a planetary wide naturally occurring extinction event, but rather subject to a nuclear attack by a separate alien species for some yet to be determined reason.

12214-marsnuke-warlords

It sounds nutty, and I'm sure he will go into some more depth over the subject in his book, "Death on Mara: the Discovery of Nuclear Massacre" (due out February, 2015), but I don't think it's all nonsense... 

Is There Life on Mars????

12214-marsnuke-barsoomOn its surface, this theory seems a bit out there... 

We might have bought the "spontaneous nuclear event" theory (especially when it is theorized that it occurred on Earth as well. But two alien civilizations wiped out by a third extraterrestrial civilization... That's some Lucas level shit... 

But there is some credibility to this madness... He has submitted his findings to both the journal of Cosmologists and astropartical physics and at the 2014 Annual Fall Meeting of American Physical Society, something the usual suspects of such fantastical nonsense would never dare to do (presumably because it's all pseudoscience poppycock), both of which provide the sources for the data which led him to this fantastic, undeniable conclusion. 

And what's worse, he feels it could happen here next... 

It is his theory that there is a reason no other civilizations have contacted the others... That a third alien species exists, tasked with the job of keeping the various civilizations from contacting the others via annihilation. 

I know, I know... A bit out there... 

12214-marsnuke-whiteapeBut what if it's not... 

We've seen evidence on our own world which leads the mind to the fantastic... Ancient unknown advanced civilizations which once wandered our very Earth long ago erased from all of history by some unexplained calamity... Of Atlantis and Lemuria, to name a few. We have sites, like the Great Lakes, where an ancient hypothesized "naturally occurring nuclear event"- same as they believe happened on Mars before the whole "other aliens did it" theory was developed. 

But what if it wasn't as we have been told... And there once were these civilizations and they "flew too close to the sun", as it were, and had to have their wings clipped by these intergalactic Gate Keepers; setting back the development of human civilization to the caves of our ancestors to find a new way to the future. 

Maybe Mars wasn't so lucky in the recovery from their knuckle wrap, or maybe they fucked up bad enough to warrant permanent removal. 

Either way, there is one thing explicitly clear in all of this....

12214-marsnuke-tharks

I smoke waaaaaaaaay too much pot.  

Amazon

What Do You Think

Gay Marriage....

Our Friends Check Them Out

RobotsWillKillUs

You are here: HomeNewsWe Can't Explain It The Ancient Nuclear Wars of Barsoom...