Giant snake terrorizes Borneo!!!!!

For centuries, the people of the backwards nation of Borneo have talked about the Nabau, a legendary hundred foot river serpent that terrorizes the villages in the flood plains around the Baleh River.Legend has it that the Nabau is a dragon headed shape shifting serpent like creature with seven nostrils and an affinity for humyn flesh.

But recent pictures have surfaced recently that has people questioning as to whether or not the legendary creature is really the stuff of childhood fairy tales.Two new photographs have come up, both of them showing what appears to be a hundred foot serpent just cruising along the waterways.


The photos have been called into question by Doubting Thomases and Nay-Sayers alike, saying that the photos look as though they were doctored by photo editing software.But these are the same people who would probably have to have their first born sons consumed by some god awful living nightmare come to life to have their skeptical world views shaken at all.

(Image 1)


(image 2)


Now, while we at the Constitutional have no intention of hitching ourselves to a hoax, we must say that it is always better to be prepared than eaten by a gigantic flesh eating snake.So in the interest of always being prepared for anything (which is why our entire writing staff always carries a tube of lube with them at all times), we must analyze this objectively.The photos do have an unspectacular look to them, but so do most pictures taken by regular people.Also, it is important to note that the two photos are independent of each other, which makes the likelihood of two similar fakes turning up at around the same time a little harder to swallow.Also, last week fossils of a 45 foot prehistoric snake were found in Columbia, thus proving that a snake of such a large size would not be unthinkable.And the idea of a prehistoric snake wandering around in a jungle where in theory it would be possible for it to hide out and avoid any contact with humyns (other than of course to eat a few of them here or there) seems plausible enough, especially in a nation as untouched as Borneo.

So in the interest of making sure that we get on top of this, we must send out the world’s greatest snake catcher into the wild to find this monster.

When snake hunting is in your blood…



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