Chimps with tool kits....

 

chimps-eatingChimpanzees in the Congo have been found to keep a tool set with them in order to more efficiently get to their food.  The specialized tools are twigs and sticks the chimps use to pry Army Ants out of their mounds.  While not the first time a chimp (or any Great Ape for that matter) has been found to be using a simple tool in order to gather food (such as chimps using sticks to dig for honey and termites), this is the first time that multiple task specific tools has been noted.


sanz" The use of tool sets is rare and has most often been observed in great apes,  Until now there have been no reports of regular use of more than one type of tool to prey upon army ants," states Crickette Sanz, Ph.D., assistant professor of Anthropology in Arts & Sciences and team leader of the Goualougo Triangle Ape Project. "In other studies, based across Africa, chimpanzees have been seen to prey on army ants both with and without tools, and it was inexplicable why some chimpanzees used different techniques to gather the same prey."


chimp-stickApparently, ants- especially Army Ants- are a main staple of the ape diet.  The only way apes had to hunt for their ill tempered prey was to smash their monkey hands into the mounds, making the ants attack them and then lick them from their hands.  Painful and inefficient.

So in the hundred and fifty thousand years or so of Man's evolution (or five thousand if you are a born again) in which we split the atom and landed a man on the moon, our ape cousins came up with the stick method of ant harvesting.


Not bad... for a chimp...


By my calculations, this would mean that in roughly another two hundred thousand years from now, man may have to fight off monkey rebellions as the apes, by this point evolving to a cave man level judging by the rate of their technological growth.  That is, if there are any left...


Ya know... Between you and me, a monkey rebellion that never will happen might be a better gift to give to our children's children than jungles.  Jungles give you malaria and Yellow Fever (and now, armed monkeys apparently).  What does a world without wild chimps give you?  chimp_gunOther than night after night of peaceful slumber knowing that you will never lose a minute of sleep worrying about being attacked by a pack of wild chimpanzee cavemen, nothing. 


And what if these evolving apes alley themselves with an enemy?  What if these are Muslin monkeys and would really prefer it if a strict following of Islamic law were observed by all the nations of the world.  How would we be able to fight a monkey army of Islamic fundamentalists???  Our soldiers would be rendered powerless- distracted by their lovable antics then ripped limb from limb by their mighty monkey paws.


This settles it...


This story tells me that there is no other option left.


planet_of_the_apesDespite their inherent cuteness and ability to make anything funnier, in the interest of handing to our children's children's children a world where they will not have to do battle for global supremacy with savage hordes of chimpanzee cave men sworn to die for Allah...


Chimpanzees have to die.

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