Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse...


Dancing zombies were a huge concern in the 80s.Let's face facts folks...

A zombie attack will occur within our lifetimes.  As much as we would like to brush past it like the paranoid ramblings of undersexed nerd boys that it indeed sounds like, there is a very real chance the world could become overrun by zombies.  Not voodoo ritual flesh eating undead doomed to walk the Earth craving human brains for all eternity zombies or the kid friendly dancing "Thriller" zombies, but rather infected humans wandering the overcrowded streets of our sprawling metropolises, unruly and hungry, is a very real possibility.

rage-virusNeurotoxins (like the ones used in Haitian rituals where the legend of the walking undead stemmed from in the first place), parasites (known to cause zombie like behavior in other animals and insects), bacterial and viral infections and illnesses (like a human form of Mad Cow or rabies... which already does exist), or an act of biological or chemical terrorism (releasing nano-bots or neurotoxins into the air or food source with the intent of taking over a society) are all extremely capable of turning a perfectly civilized human population into a flesh craving, retard strong pack of former humans in just a few weeks (remember how it only took a few weeks to make it from a Mexican pig sty to global epidemic?). 

As scary as this realization might seem, there is no reason to freak you out of your Heidi and Spencer loving minds people.  While being overrun by non walking undead zombies would suck balls, it does post a very promising reality... they are not the undead.  They are living, thus being able to be killed.  And if something can die, then it is something that can be outlasted.  But in order to outlast zombies, you are going to need to have a plan. 

And a plan is what we have for you.  Five simple steps necessary to insure survival during the immanent zombie apocalypse...


red-dawn-cast1). Plan a group and establish a chain of command.

Safety in numbers folks, simple as that.

We are a civilized people, thus we need some semblance of civilization in order to be at our very best.  That means being around other people (preferably people we like) and having a leader to maintain our focus on a common goal (like survival).  It is important to figure out which members of your social circle (family, friends, and neighbors)are going to be part of your survival group and making sure that they are aware of your plans for surviving the coming zombie apocalypse.   It is also important to establish a leadership council (as well as a system for self governance) for the group you are maintaining prior to an infection makes it easier to insure your survival gets off on the right foot. 

tree-houses2). Location is the key to everything!!!

Picking a place to hole up is a key to zombie survival.  Ideally, the best locations to hide out would be where zombies are not, such as rural areas where the wide open spaces and smaller populations would be smaller (making the zombie contingent smaller in numbers and easier to avoid entirely.  Remember, not all victims of zombie attacks will become zombies.  Some of them will either become zombie food or succumb to their illnesses or injuries.

But it is not possible for all of us to make it to the country.  Getting out of the city usually means passing through the heart of it, putting the traveler in very real danger of ending up in the heart of Zombieland.  So the next best thing to a country get away is finding a friend with a second or third floor apartment (anything higher than that would be a liability) to use as a base of operations.  The idea behind a second (preferably) or third floor apartment is that once you remove the stairs, your apartment fortress is impenetrable to zombies (due to their inability to climb).  Of course, the elevated location will require a bit of planning the entrances and escape routes.  But the inconvenience of a little planning seems insignificant when compared to one's survival.

zombie-hammer3). An armed group is a happy group.

Every idiot knows that nothing handles a zombie quite like a good ol' fashioned 12 gauge shotgun.  But a 12 gauge (or any other type of gun to be honest) is only as useful as the bullets you have to shoot out of them.  When society crumbles, bullets will be a precious commodity so you are not going to want to use them willie nillie.  So you and your new community are going to have to prepare yourself to utilize all that creativity and cunning that has allowed our species to last as long as it has on the top of the food chain to our advantage.

Melee weapons (like bats, swords, axes, and the sort) and cleverly laid traps (such as spear lined tiger traps and snares) would be very useful against the primitive unthinking zombies, allowing one to conserve their bullets for the more dangerous marauders and bandits.

doomsday_viper4). Zombie Survival 3:16- Don't Trust No one!!!

It is hard enough figuring out who you can trust in our current societal construct; let alone having to do so with the world coming to an end all around us.  Marauders, thieves, and non-zombie cannibals will be a major concern for the survivors, but be mindful of who you help during these trying days.  Strangers introduced into the group can upset the balance of power, create dangerous rivalries (such as over a woman), and without a doubt take up more of already scarce resources and space.

girl-with-gun-in-mouth5). When all else fails...

When planning to survive a zombie infestation, one must take into a account the very real possibility that you (or someone you love) may become infected.  When something of that nature occurs, every member of the group must be prepared to do what must be done in order to preserve the survival of the group as a whole despite the emotions of the matter.  Removing the infected party from the group (via mercy kill) not only provides a merciful death to the infected party- doomed to spend the remaining days of his/her life crazed and bloodthirsty- but insures the long term health and survival of you and your group.  This is not just the responsibility of the non-infected, but the duty of anyone who gets infected.  Remember- a dead human is one less zombie to worry about.


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