What happens to your pets after the Rapture...

raptureI'm sure it is a conversation had around every Born Again family's dinner table at least once a month... when the Lord God calls them home just before the violet tribulation of Armageddon, just who is going to keep an eye on poor Fluffy, the beloved (but soulless)family pet???

But fear not, oh yee Heaven bound Jesus revelers... Grifter Bart Centre has heard your cries...

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is a service that claims it will keep an eye o your pet while you are being assumed into Heaven, thus avoiding the Final Judgment and Hell on Earth that is coming.

Promoting his service as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture world", Centre's service’s a simple one:

pickpocket-introFor the bargain price of $110 for a ten year contract ($15 per additional pet), your earthbound soulless pets will find loving and caring homes with the Earthbound Godless atheists left behind to suffer judgment for their sinful non-believing ways. (There is no word as to what happens to the pets after God banishes the unbeliever into the Lake of Fire).

To pull off his end of the deal, Centre claims to have set up a massive national network (26 not too evil Heathens spread out over 22 states) eagerly awaiting for you and your Jesus loving family to be slurped up into Heaven so they can take your dogs and cats into their homes and into their hearts.  Pretty sweet gestures for Godless monsters wouldn’t you agree?

dog-cat1"We want people who have pets and are animal lovers.  They take this very seriously... If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

Granted, they don't seem to take it serious enough to convert from their sinful ways and turn their lives over to God, but no one's perfect.

Not even Bart Centre, who in a book he wrote about the Faithful and some of their silly beliefs went so far as to say "... I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

And so begins Centre's better mousetrap...

To our knowledge, so far Centre's service has already gotten over a hundred families who have found the need to pony up scrooge-mcduck-09569609431at least $110 dollars in these hard economic times to some admitted grifter to take care of their beloved family pets just in case God calls the home (by my math that comes out to at least $1100 for doing nothing at all...)

Now one could say that Centre and his service is selling their service for bit of a bargain, noting that $110 spread out over a ten year contract comes out to about 92cents a month-hardly enough to keep a dog alive, let alone run a successful business.  But ol Bart ain't sweating it none...

"If we thought the Rapture was really going to happen," Centre says, "obviously our rate structure would be much higher."


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