You have to give Jesus Christ a lot of credit. Without a doubt the number one celebrity of all time and he will show up anywhere. He don't care how small or below his stature the joint it. Side of a building? No problem. Show up as the burnt crusty on the top of a grilled cheese sandwich? Been there, done that. Birthmark? Please... Jesus has been doing birthmarks since before it was cool for a deity to show up on a birthmark. Face it, when it comes to messiahs, Jesus is the true man of the people.
But every now and again, even the most down to Earth star wants to do something larger than life. Even Springsteen played the Super Bowl! So after a century or so of county fairs and glass building on the side of a bridge in Clearwater, Jesus has gone intergalactic!!!
Well, sorta. According to Russian scientists, an image of Jesus has been found inside of a meteorite which crashed in the Russian countryside over a century ago. The meteor, referred to as Boguslavka after the town that was found in, has the same image within it that is found on the legendary Shroud of Turin, the clothe wrapped around Jesus after the Crucifixion, except of course that in the meteorite the image is harder to see and really completely subjective.
Of course, whether or not the image is actually there, the fact that there have been reports of an image of the big JC popping up as the world around us begins to crumble does lead one to caution. I mean, after all, the Christians may very well be right...
But fear not, friends, we at the Weekly Constitutional are on top of this whole end of the world thing going on. We know that the foretold day of reckoning is upon us... and when the horsemen start riding, we will be sure that you are the first ones in the bunker (except for our Estonian readers... for some reason, we are pretty sure that the Hell on Earth that will mark the End of Days will be infinitely better than a normal day in Estonia).