Russians worried about war between yetis and bears...

Yeti_Doll_by_mostlymadeAttention hipster douche nozzles who like to traipse about telling anyone who will listen what a horrific shithole you believe America is... Pay particularly close attention to the next sentence...

The Russian countryside's residents are on edge fearing that they will end up getting entangled in the spillover from a war between yetis and local bears.

An expedition that ventured Mountain Shoria, located deep into the mountainous wasteland region of Siberia, returned home last week bearing the odd, terrifying, and utterly fantastic reports.  The expedition’s members claim that the forest fires of this extremely hot summer made Altai yetis move to the Kuzbass region, where they have started a “war” with local bears.  It is the feelings of the expedition team as well as the locals that if this “war” between yetis and bears continues, there is a risk that bears will not sleep this winter because of a shortage of food, instead going to villages in search of something to eat.

In an effort to be proactive in not becoming a bear (or yeti for that matter) buffet, the expeditionary group claims that the local authorities out in those savage lands are planning to stage "bear feeds" in order to give the bears a non-human option for food should the yetis continue their aggressive actions.  the locals are also planning on helping matters out by leaving bribes of candy and other sweets for the yetis as well as trying to explain the gravity of their aggressive actions to the yetis telepathically (yes, in case you didn't know yetis are believed to be telepathic...).

Gooood bless America...

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And don't think for a minute that this is an isolated report....

This year’s expedition to Mountain Shoria is already the third. One of its participants, the director of the International Center for Hominology Igor Burtsev assures that yetis leave traces of their stay in the taiga and fight with local bears.

yeti-3“They make strange pyramidal constructions of trunks and branches in the wood – sometimes 3 or 4 meters, sometimes only 30 cm high. Sometimes they bend huge trees and twist their trunks like wheels. A human being is just not strong enough for that, and there seems to be no need for bears to do this. At first, we thought that yetis do this to make shelters, but then we came to the conclusion that this is a sort of landmark for them. Or, maybe, this is a way for a yeti to say something to its congeners.”

By the dawn's early light...

It boggles my fucking mind that somewhere in the civilized world (think what you will about the Hun they are still part of the civilized world, all be it by a thread), there is a nation that has to really worry itself over whether or not the population's morale is being effected due to concerns over fallout from a war between yetis and bears.

narnia3Really... when exactly did the once mighty Red Machine that was Russia... the nation dead set on dragging the world to nuclear annihilation... become Narnia?

Wars between yetis and bears...

What next???

Is ol' Vlad Putin going to have to make the White Witch an envoy to the United Nations?

No wonder President Reagan was so dead set against these bastards having nuclear weapons...

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