Genetic freaks, corn fed Midwest whities, and genetically superior brothers with sick 40 times.
Who Plays It
Waifish Europeans, British Hooligans, anyone from a Spanish speaking country, and upper middle class white kids whose moms won’t let them play football.
Helmet, Pads, and cleats
Silky shirt, tiny Soccer shorts, knee high socks, shin guards, and cleats.
While there is a lot of fast running in the game, it is also a game in which 300 pound men also play a key role.
There is no sport more physically demanding than soccer. 90+ minutes of constant running back and forth.
Run head first into your opponent at full speed, get up, and if you are not dead or broken do it again.
Falling down, grabbing your leg like it is falling off and cry your eyes out anytime your opponent walks past you is part of the game’s strategy.
Drunken idiots, damn near every red blooded American male
Hooligans, annoying guys with trumpets and drums, all of Europe, South and Central America, and damn near every place else in the world with people in it.
Varsity Blues, The Longest Yard (OG one with Burt Reynolds), Friday Night Lights
Films on the Sport
Ladybugs, Mean Machines (though to be fair, this is just a Limey version of The Longest Yard), Bend it like Beckham
The Vince Lombardi Trophy awarded to the winner of the Super Bowl once a year.
the Jules Rimet Trophy awarded to the winner of the FIFA World Cup once every four years