Versus: Asteroid Strike vs. Environmental Catastrophe

 

Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseWe all know that someday our world will end.  Not "our world will end" like we all die, but rather the "our world will end" where all of humanity is brought to the brink.  The foretold "End of Days" if you will.  But with so many theories out there trying to predict the ultimate end to all of this, it is hard to know for which to prepare. Do we need extra shotgun shells or extra sun block?  Will one pair of long johns be enough?

 

In order to insure that humanity has a fighting chance, The Weekly Constitutional is proud to present...

 

The End of Days Tournament!!!!!

 

Eight different apocalyptic scenarios will go head to head to see which among them has what it takes to wipe out humanity.

 

In our first match-up, the disrespected Robot Uprising made short work of the much more feared Zombie Apocalypse.  Our second match up pits two counter culture favorite.  In one corner, planet killing asteroid strike; and in the other- a hippie and tree hugger front runner- environmental catastrophe ready to do battle to see which one has enough to wipe us all out and which one is just a pretender...

Let's get it on!





Asteroid Strike vs. Environmental Catastrophe
Asteroid Strike
VS
day-after
A giant collection of rock, metal, and other interstellar materials falling to Earth.
Harbinger of Doom
Severe sun, wind, rain, snow, hail, tornados, and other such environmental events…. A whole bunch of them. 
Natural occurring phenomena; claimed to be the cause of the extinction of the Dinosaurs. 
Where it comes from
Believed by some to be cyclical; though even if naturally occurring, Human pollution cannot be helping matters.
Slamming into the Earth sending a massive dust and debris cloud into the atmosphere blocking out the sun and killing all surface life.
How it will kill us
Through storms, famine, drought, and the fallout that it brings (such as disease, pestilence, and vermin).
According to experts, a large enough asteroid would be able of wiping out all surface life on Earth (Too small and it either burns up in the atmosphere or causes at worst only localized damage)
Efficiency
Slow and agonizing existence consisting of starvation, illness, and death where only the stong (or the lucky) will survive.
It must be of a particular size in order to be a global killer, let alone to make it through the Earth’s atmosphere without burning up.
PUSH
Weakness
PUSH
Umbrella, warm coat, sunny days, relocation, high ground, shelter… This might not be the most effective way to eliminate life on Earth.

WINNER

LOSER


 

Despite the Pop Cultural vote of approval, Asteroid strike dispatches Environmental catastrophe.  While the environment is a fragile thing that all humans have a duty to try and protect, we should do so because we want to pass on to our children a cleaner and better world than the one we found ourselves... not because rain and sleet and snow are going to end us all.  With Asteroid Strike's win, it moves on to the next round.  Sure, it took out the dinosaurs... but does it have enough to pull the repeat performance???  Stay tuned....


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