Sympathy for the Octomom...

1335875862_octomom-articleIt has become official... Octomom, Nadia Suleman has publicly acknowledged that (shocker) the unemployed mother of fourteen children has had to file for bankruptcy. But the news doesn’t end there...

According to the AP:

"nadiaOctomom" Nadya Suleman filed for bankruptcy Monday, saying in a court filing that she has as much as $1 million in debt.

Suleman is filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy, which means a court-appointed trustee would liquidate her assets to pay off creditors before she is discharged from most of her debts.

Among others, Suleman owes money to her father, the city's water department, DirecTV and Whittier Christian School, where at least some of her children are students.

Suleman also owes more than $30,000 in rent payments on her four-bedroom house.

Say what you want about this fame craving harpy, I kind of feel bad for Octomom...

You have to believe she spends lonely night after lonely night (cause there ain’t no amount of kink that can keep anyone in that madhouse... never mind the wild world of Nadia... 14 kids is a lot of kids) just lying in her bed, enjoying those scant few moments where there isn’t some screaming octomommyunwanted byproduct of perhaps the most far out "get rich quick" scheme ever put to action (who would have thought human puppy mill as a path to fame and fortune I ask you… who)wondering where it all went so sideways for her.

"I had the kids, I went on TV.... nudie pics, mild sexual suggestion... where my 14 and Counting... what do those goddamned Duggers have that I don’t????"

And she is right…

This plot she hatched was genius… evil, makes you skin kind of crawl while you question the mental faculties of the person divining this madness sort of genius, but genius none the less.

She must be a massive dud in front of the camera to not be midway through the production of her third season of her hit reality show but instead she is filing Chapter 7 and taking 10K for a jack off flick (a jack off flick that no one will ever pay to watch I might add) because you are never going to convince me that America wouldn’t spend an hour a week watching this tornado of madness exist.

But sadly, there wasn’t TV at the end of this rainbow and now she is making the smut move three years too late…

Three years ago, Vivid was rumored to have a million dollar bounty on her cinematic virginity and there was enough curiosity to see this breeder in action to warrant the move. But three years ago, this nut thought she was going to be the face of Lifetime or something and said no to the offer.

Needless to say, she chose poorly.

Now she comes running back to the easy road (because it’s always easier to earn on your back than your feet) to find it not so giving…

Porn isn’t the billion dollar industry that it once was thanks to slutty girls and their vindictive boyfriend making any and all acts of human sexual depravity available to all for free.

Not to mention that there is no reason to watch this woman (who looks ok for someone who shit out 14 kids but really isn’t much to shake a stick at by porn standards) masturbate. What would be the point??? To see this (liberal) five work her wizard sleeve while she babbles incessantly about feeling good and sex and moisture.

octocover

I mean maybe if she cried or licked a waffle cone filled with doodie or something, maybe… but to honestly see it???

What would be the point…

Besides, watching it get rubbed on by its owner isn’t where the draw to Crazy Pussy exists…

octo-momSo instead of seeing this poor, deluded woman degrade herself any further, I have come up with a few ideas that might be more feasible for her to try and keep her brood afloat…

-          Two words: MUSIC FESTIVAL. You call it Coochella, get Hole and Phish to headline. Get some food trucks to cater the ordeal (those soulless nomads will rally anywhere if it means making a buck)… Hipsters will show up ironically by the droves. Guaranteed success.

 

-          Japanese Game Show: Don’t ask me why but those the Japanese love them some American cast offs. Be it sub-par pop acts, broken pro wrestlers, or washed out F List Celebrities; they just can’t get enough American celebrities. Lucky for Octomom…

 

We can call it Cunny Spelunking, the game where competitors dig through the many folds and nooks of the infamous vagina Double Dare style searching for cash and prizes. Obviously, there would be various quasi-fluids (such as jellies, whipped creams, motor oil, and so forth) filling said vagina to increase the challenge and hilarity.

 

      sarlacc

    - Merchandising: Perhaps an Operation type game where they have to unstuff Suleman's child filled cunny (you could even do a Star Wars themed one where her kids dress up like the characters from the skiff scene in Jedi and her cunny is the Sarlac. Getting Lucas to sign on shouldn’t be an issue as he already whores out his produces for less.), or perhaps a baby toy where the Octo-twat shoots soft foam babies out while toddlers chase teedle about putting them back in.)

I hope these help…

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