More troubles for Michael Phelps

 

Michael PhelpsSomeone needs to get Michael Phelps a fucking handler.  A Baltimore stripper, in an interview with the Britain's News of the World, is claiming that she and another erotic dancer had a threesome with the Olympic gold medalist.  Theresa White told the British publication that the incident occurred when Phelps wanted to keep the party going one night and invited the strippers back to his place for a little after party.


It was there, after two hours more of heavy drinking, where White offered Phelps a toss with her and another girl.  Phelps, who claimed to her that he had never had one of those, pointed to another girl at the party and the three went up to Phelps' room, while the party continued to rage downstairs.


Theresa White, current thorn in Phelps' life..."The sex lasted for about three hours.  Michael should get another Olympic gold for marathon love-making!" claims White, on Phelps' love making prowess. 


The stripper made more claims about the beleaguered Aqua-man.  In the same interview, she claims that Michael Phelps tried to buy pot for her, chews tobacco and has dozens of makeshift spittoons lying around, gambles constantly, is a weepy momma's boy who apparently has a more than a few sexual kinks (as well as more than a few loose morals broads willing to work those kinks out with him).  She also claims that he has lost almost all of his muscle tone and that Phelps spends almost all of his time playing online poker, dreaming of one day becoming a professional poker pwner. 


For Phelps, the best year of his life is being followed by what is beginning to shape up as is worst year, as his endorsements are beginning to thin out (stemming from his bad press earlier in the year after pictures of the role model and cereal box poster boy taking bong rips at a South Carolina party).  The US swimming team had suspended the swimmer for three months after the pot smoking photo began circulating, not allowing the swimmer to do what he needs to do in order to keep cashing in checks (which is swim, d'uh).  And now this...


To her credit, Theresa claims that her and Phelps were "dating" of sorts, having seen each other two or three times a week in November and December of last year, but grew weary of Phelps' cheap ways (apparently he never took her anywhere except the Taco Bell drive thru) and constant cheating (apparently he was putting stones to every stripper in Charm City!), thus turning this betrayal of confidence as nothing more than the latest example of why a woman scorned is never a good thing to leave in your wake.


We at the Constitutional would like to continue to offer the pot smoking, stripper dating Michael Phelps our continued support, but would like to send Mike some much needed advice:

The pic that rocked the swimming world..."Michael... bubby... what the fuck is wrong with you?  It is one thing to get screwed over by your "friends", trying to make a quick buck by selling a pic of you tokin' but for Christ sake a stripper?!?!?!  I love strippers as much as the next guy man, but come on... really... did you really expect that a chick who shakes her ass for singles in Baltimore was really gonna keep her mouth shut about her steamy night with you?  Come on man... she's a stripper!!!  She didn't like you when she asked you if you wanted to fuck her and a friend... she was hoping to get a story (or what if... a sex tape) that she could sell to make a few bucks.  You're a stepping stone... Did you think she loved you or something? (And no... just because she said that you were a sexual dynamo does not make this story a net win for you).

We know you have needs Mike.  We all do.  But the next time you get a tickle and a pinch down in your naughty bits, remember the words of Charlie Sheen:

"You don't a pay a hooker for the sex... You pay her for the discretion..."

But Mike, should this be the nail that ends your time as the American Golden Boy take advantage.  You have some hooker screaming for the world to hear that you are apparently a sex god.  Go to Vivid and make a movie.  You're already acting like Tommy Lee... you may as well go with it and get paid for being a jackass.  Porn has become mainstream!  If that horrific lump of flesh Ron Jeremy can make a living laying pipe, then a slack jawed piece of Baltimore white trash like you surely can make a little scratch taxin' porn star snatch."

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