If you would have asked me a week ago to change lives with Tiger Woods, it would have been a slam dunk no brainer. To be an insanely talented and beloved athlete known the world over, laying at the top of his game, with more money than God, and a HOT Nordic trophy wife completely head over heels for him... who would have said no?
But that, my friends, was a week ago...
And Lordy, oh how do things change in a week...
Saturday morning, I- like the rest of the world- awoke to discover that the usually squeaky clean Woods had been in a single car accident in his neighborhood in Windermere, Florida.
The reports coming out about the accident were odd and fantastic, made all the more bizarre by the involvement of Tiger- who usually keeps his name out of non-golf related news stories.
But this week had been a strange one...
Why just earlier in the week, Woods had made national ink, in the National Enquirer, with claims that proof had surfaced of Tiger Woods nailing some New York City cocktail waitress (a Rachel Uchitel or so claims the tabloid).
But as odd as it is to read the Enquirer's claims of adultery, the story of Friday's accident managed to top it.
According to reports, at around 2:25 am Friday morning, Tiger crashed his Cadillac SUV into a neighborhood fire hydrant as well as a neighbor's tree. The reports go on to claim that Elin, Tiger's wife of five years, had to smash the rear window of the truck with one of Tiger's golf club in order to remove the semi-conscious love of her life. When the authorities arrived, they found Woods, lying on the floor- slipping in and out of consciousness- at Elin's feet.
But worth all of the hubbub???
So Tiger got a little faded after Thanksgiving supper, drove home when he probably shouldn't have and crashed his car.
Stupid? Yes... But not that big of a deal at the end of the day. He didn't kill anybody and besides... it could have happened to anybody.
But poor Tiger got into a wreck during a slow news week just days after rumors of his cheating ways cleared the wire.
Enter the new media...
Within hours, TMZ presented to the world pictures of the accident, as well as details not before disclosed (such as the SUV's airbags not deploying after the accident forcing us to ask just how Tiger got knocked out from an accident going under 30 mph?)
Following this statement from Tiger (and his people) on his website:
As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore.
This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.
This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.
The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.
This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.
Word got out that Tiger spent the weekend not talking to the Florida Highway Patrol, blowing off their requests for an interview with the golf superstar three times.
Enter TMZ again, this time alleging that the FHP is now trying to obtain a search warrant for Tiger's medical records to see if the injuries sustained by Tiger during his "accident" are consistent with injuries one would sustain during a violent domestic altercation.
From greatest athlete in the world to getting beaten by his wife in the streets like a common bitch.
All in the course of a week...
Of course, this rumor forces us to then conclude that the "accident" is really nothing more than an elaborate version of the ol' beaten wife cliché of "She fell down the stairs".
And to think, at first I did not want to write about this...
An athlete getting into a drunken fender bender is hardly news. But an athlete getting the beat down by his Scandinavian wife and having to fake an accident in order to explain his injuries... we can only hope.
It might be a while before everything gets sorted out in this whole mess, as it looks like no one is going to be saying much to the media about this matter. So for now we just have to keep our fingers crossed, hoping that the worst case scenario (for Tiger anyways) plays out. The laws in the state of Florida demand that the State press charges in cases of domestic abuse whether or not the victim chooses to press charges, so if there is any validity to the recent TMZ claims there could be a whole lot more to this story.
But for now we just have a mysterious accident, a strange claim of infidelity, and rumors of a man getting beaten up by his wife.
And yea, while I realize that he is disgustingly rich and talented and all that but should all this stuff be true, forever more whenever people think of Tiger Woods, it will not be for his dominance on the fairways...
It will be for being beaten by his wife.
Like my father always said...
You can build tables your whole life and never be a carpenter, but let a chick kick your ass once and you are a sissy forever.