It's hard to read when you eyes are Japanese...


pornopicPorn... It's faaantastic!  It built the internet, gave seemingly talentless womyn access to fame and fortune that their brains could never do, and made billions of dollars to fat dirty men. 

As a child, I never had the kind of stuff at my fingertips as I do now.  I remember clearly sneaking into my parent's room just to filch a copy of my mom's Fredrick's of Hollywood catalogue then running back in to my room to savage myself.  But then I read the Godfather, and it changed my life...

There was a five sentence passage where Sonny bangs one of his sister's bridesmaids that made me a man.  I swear to you, as I read about Sonny's enraged manhood making its way into the chubby maid's vulva, it moved.  I read that paragraph, no joke, 25 times.

Shannon TweedAfter that innocent night with the words of Mario Puzo, I went to film- finding the sound and images far more stimulating than those clinical words were.  I still remember the first flick I watches solely for sexual gratification.  It was a Shannon Tweed flick called Indecent Behavior.  There was this one scene with her and some grimy dude with a motorcycle bangin' it out in some dirty artist studio that blew my twelve year old mind.   But that was years ago... simpler days where a careless leg cross by a female classmate would send me into hormonal fits for days  This is now!  And these days... porn is starting to lose its luster.

Mama's Fallen Angel

I have been from one side of the internet to the other.  I have seen it all: Two chicks, Period pieces, Black guy with a white grrl, White guy with a black grrl, Grrl with older man, and Old crusty womyn.  I have seen every race and ever scenario.  Funny thing about seeing it all is that after a while it starts to get boring.  And when it gets boring is when you start looking deeper.

FurryThat's when you find gang bangs, Midgets, Midget gang bangs, Sex boats, Anal.  I started exploring the dark world of fetish.  Clowns, feet, balloon pooping, furries, smoking, spitting.  I watched barely conscious Eastern European chicks take animal husbandry in a completely different direction than our ancient ancestors had intended (though something tells me they tried this as well), as well as seen ever type of household appliance (and produce) used in ways only a deviant would think of.  I eventually found myself at the dirt mall, talking to some strange dude who looked like a kid toucher, demanding that he give me some of the stuff he had in his briefcase (which was where he kept the hardcore stuff that wasn't for the faint of heart). 

It wasn't until one dark and lonely night when I found myself three inches from the ol' Jack-top screen on an Indiana Jones-like quest; wading through hours and hours of Eastern European scat porn to try and find a particular scene of Asian tinkle erotica (which reminded me a lot of Double Dare) that I realized that I had finally gone too far.  I longed to return to when I would watch porn for some sort of sexual gratification, not for whatever sick and twisted shock value I get out of it now.  For years now, porn had become nothing more to me than a spectacle- with each search for something interesting turning into a sick game of chicken, where I dare myself to keep going further down the bunny hole of degradation.  Porn stopped being fun and started becoming something dirty and wrong.  Loving images of a stepfather trying desperately to ignore the aggressive advances of his step-daughter, who just will not be told "No", turned to haunting violent images.

But then I found a simple treasure.  I found erotic literature.

The House that Fabio Built

"Turning my body around, I straddled her body once again and placing my own feet on the footrests, I raised my body over Pam's face and lowered my balls to her lips. Pam opened her mouth and swallowed my balls as I began to tease her taut nipples. I felt her hands reach up and caress my cock as her mouth sucked hard on my loaded balls."

* Excerpt taken from

Sex Show... EwwwOk, so there is nothing hot about this.  To be truthful, it is the next step for me though.  I have seen everything I am going to see to fill my desire for that sick jolt you get when you see something you are not supposed to see, but without that whole not being able to unsee what you have just seen drawback that seeing things has (and in case you don't believe that you will ever want to unsee something you have seen, go catch yourself a live sex show in New Orleans and get back to me).  And this site offers something that porn never could... the pure comedy that the old school Penthouse forum would offer as well as not burdening me with the horrific images that only something like a drunken co-ed who missed a few hugs growing up making her daddy proud by hiding a bowling pin where you don't think one should fit.

I mean, come on...

There is no way to describe sex without it either being hysterical or sounding like a twelve year old boy talking shit to his friends.  Case in point:

"I was blubbering madly now, but it didn't stop him. I could feel his cock pressing at my pussy lips. I put my hand there to try and stop him. Then I thought of something that made me panic.

"No Nick, can't! If you get me pregnant something terrible will happen...I'm your can't...please."

He had pulled my hand away and his cock had started to push past my pussy lips. I could feel its head just entering me, when suddenly he stopped. He stepped back, angry. His cock looked red raw."

*excerpt taken from

Using words, nothing seems horrible!  Incest.  S&M.  It's all there... poorly written and out there for the world to read and laugh maniacally about.  Shocking, entertaining (granted, it is entertaining in that same way that getting drunk and reading the missed connections on Craig's List is), and at all times reaffirming of your position as better than whoever jacks off reading this (or worse yet, writing this... there are some sick SOBs on this site). 


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