Thom and a fat boy share a humiliation... - Revenge of the Nerd

Revenge of the Nerd...

It seemed truly like the perfect plan. I would call her at her private line, leave her a message (as I was too much of a coward to do this live), and then just wait for her heart strings to be plucked.

I practiced the song for hours, making sure i had it exactly how i wanted it preformed down to a cold science, making sure to apply the proper emphasis on the lines that I felt she needed to hear specifically.

I called her, the mechanical ringing of the phone dulled by the nervous beating of my heart. Finally her message picked up:

"Hiiiieeeee this is Stephanie. I’m not home, leave a message. Peace."

I hit play.

everything-i-do-i-do-it-for-you-bryan-adamsThe next five minutes of so were a blur, my singing of the song as it played into the phone with my voice bleeding over the music. It must have sounded psychotic.

As the song ended, my voice slightly breaking up from the emotional overwhelming I was going through, I managed to croak out "Stephanie, you are an amazing girl and I love you. Let me be your prince of thieves."

I still get the douche chills thinking about it.

I hung up the phone as soon as it was all wrapped.

In my mind, everything had gone well. She was going to hear the message, hug the receiver, and spend the rest of the evening planning out our first meeting again in the morning, our love finally ready to be spoken of…

But as that sun slung low in the Florida sky, the reality of my madness came to horrific life.

Ring, ring, ring...

My heart skipped... this was her, I though... this was her and she was touched by my message and couldn't wait until the next day at school to let me know what she thought about my confessions of love.

"Hello", I nervously croaked out, my voice cracking with nervous tension.

"Hello, Gabe?"

It was a man's voice. He didn’t seem too thrilled.

"Hi, yes. Hold on, lemme get my folks" I replied, thinking that a grown man calling my home would have intended to call them.

"No, no... It’s you who I wanted to talk to. This is Mr. V, Stephanie’s dad."

broken_heart_emo-1500My heart stopped. I vaguely recall what he said to me over the next five or so minutes...Something about how I was a sweet boy and Stephanie was surprised by my message but it had creeped her out, especially following all the Danny weirdness and how it would be better for everyone if maybe we didn’t talk to one another anymore (I recall him letting me know that if I talked to his daughter again he would be speaking with my father about all of this madness).

And the humiliations didn’t end there…

The next morning, I walked into my classroom- devastated still from the previous evenings turn of events- to see Stephanie standing in the front of the classroom with her parents talking to Mrs. L, my homeroom teacher.

I slunk off and hid in the boy’s room for about ten minutes, doing my best to not break down into tears. I was sick, shaking, and numb.

I finally composed myself enough to make my way back to the classroom; praying the whole way that Stephanie’s parents had left (and if Stephanie left with them I wouldn’t have minded that too much either).

They had left, leaving Stephanie sitting alone at the table her and I shared (we had been desk mates for all of 7th and 8th grade). I nervously started making my way to our desk when Mrs. L called to me. I walked over.

Mrs. L started telling me she had heard that there had been some oddness between Stephanie and I… nothing too damaging or bad (she kept stressing that I wasn’t in trouble and that I had not done anything wrong) but that she needed me to switch seats with someone else.

crying_man_jpg_scaled_500I was devastated. Stephanie hated me. By the end of the day, her friends not only knew about my pathetic effort but hated me for it (with the exception of Cassandra, who actually thought it was rather daring.).

My friends had also heard about it and could do nothing but sing the song to me mockingly, their laughter keeping them from ever getting past the first few bars.

It was awful.

But at the end of it all, it was fleeting- gone from the minds of my peers three days later when Mary M. left a puddle of menstrual blood in her desk chair. Poor girl was savaged for a week (needless to say, I charged this hill with the desperation of a man looking for cover, throwing the first tampon at her)…

But this poor bastard will have to live with this video being out there FOREVER.

There are fates worse than death friends…

Living the rest of your life with this video out there is among them.


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