It's good to know that while we may very well be 17 trillion in the hole, had to cancel our vaulted space program, and seem to be forever in need of a few more dollars to help rebuild our crumbling and ever deteriorating infrastructure, we still have the coin to go and put the old grey matter to work solving the most taxing questions of our age...
Like why fat girls can't seem to find dates...
The National Institutes of Health (NIH) awarded a $466,642 grant last week to a study which will examine whether social skills have an impact on why obese girls have fewer dating experiences than their less obese counterparts.
“Mounting evidence demonstrates that weight influences intimate (i.e., dating and sexual) relationship formation and sexual negotiations among adolescent girls,” the grant’s abstract states. “Obese girls consistently report having fewer dating and sexual experiences, but more sexual risk behaviors (i.e., condom nonuse) once they are sexually active.”
“The conceptual framework that has guided this research presumes that differences in the social skills for relating to peers and intimate partners along with differences in the relationship experiences of obese and non-obese girls account for these differences,” it continues.
“However, no studies have actually examined whether the interpersonal skills and intimate relationships of obese and non-obese girls differ.”
If you are trying to figure out who the geniuses are that dreamed up this amazing scheme to finance their own vacation, please look no further than the lofty professors of the Magee-Womens Research Institute and Foundation in Pittsburgh; as they spend the next for years solving a question that I have answered years go (and will hence forth). The end date for the project is listed as May 2018.
It is their claim that the study will specifically look at whether overweight teen girls develop relationship skills later in life, and will compare their “trajectories of romantic and sexual relationship characteristics” with others. The researchers will also contrast “obese and non-obese African American and White adolescent girls.
The study is being led by Dr. Aletha Akers, an assistant professor in the Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology & Reproductive Sciences at Magee-Womens Research Institute. Akers has been studying the issue for years, just coming off a two year research project (which netted her a tidy 400k) observing the sexual habits of obese and non-obese adolescent girls (it is said that the previous projects findings have naturally led her to this current endeavor).
And the laughs don't stop there...
While patting themselves on the back for money well spent, the NIH stating that the project they were funding was "... innovative as it is the first study to explore relationship context as a mechanism linking obesity to adolescent girls’ sexual risk-taking behaviors..."
When did Pot Talk become Science????
Believe it or not, this isn't the first time such a study was required... Results of a 2009 study found that actual body weight had no influence over whether a teenager was sexually active, but perceptions of being overweight did.
“Girls who saw themselves as overweight... were about 20 percent less likely to say they were sexually active,” according to a report in Reuters Health on the findings. “At the same time, though, when these girls were sexually active, they were more likely than their peers to have started having sex before age 13.”
Seems like an awful lot of words to just come out and say what we all know...
Fat girls are willing to try harder because they are more grateful for the opportunity...
This is a hypothesis that I myself did quite a bit of research on during the earliest incarnations of this website (a little project entitled "FIC University"), eventually developing a conclusion I named "The Rudy Effect".
The Rudy Effect
The premise was that individuals given an opportunity to achieve something they otherwise may not get to will put in more effort. It's the reason you adopt dogs from the pound (because they are more grateful, knowing that you saved them from demise), made friends with the weird kid (be it he gives you your toys or let's you sleep with his wife, the "lesser" friend will give sacrifice for your attention), or bed the occasional heavy set woman (or man, if we are being honest Ladies...).
In that area of study, I found that the heavy set usually were more willing to "work harder" for your attention (the same principle, though on a bit of a graduated scale, applies to single moms. Single dads, on the other hand, bring a whole different set of issues...). I found (and I actually researched this... Might explain why I am sitting in my back porch typing this at eleven instead of having the government shit out a half a million a year for me to figure it out..) that -as expected- bigger gals weren't turning too many heads on their own accord. There were a few anomalies to the findings, a few of those pretty faces girls fortunate enough to have their extra bits placed in socially flattering areas (their social acceptance fueled by the rise of popularity in the "big bootied hoes" as the era of the "narrow assed bitch" came to an end at the hands of Kim Kardashian).
This "extra effort" came in a myriad of forms. Some were exceptional conversationalists, others were really funny and engaging. There were those choosing to rely on the one blessing of the bigguns- an ample rack. But to a girl, every single one of them were willing to be sexual earlier than their more physically appealing counterparts, who were capable of being more selective in who bed them.
In my own field research, my finding yielded similar results, as well as a few others that are more positive.
Overall, the heavier women were better dates (or at least more memorable), bringing more to the evening than a nice look. As far as sexually, they were also the more memorable as well; each dalliance into the BBW world yielding a more memorable experience than with more attractive former partners). I found them more willing to be more uninhibited; not only being more willing to attempt whatever oddity I might have desired, but also being rather vocal about making sure they got theirs (no doubt breed through scarcity...).
As for why they start later... That's the fault of In social infrastructure of high school hallways...
Looking back on my own life, I can think of no less than eight opportunities where a "chubby girl" (or those otherwise regarded as "ugly" by the Socs that ruled the school at the time) literally handed it to me on a platter... And I, scared of the taunts of my idiots friends who were sitting at home with dry dicks and lonely hearts, either played them off uninterested or never even noticed it. It took a few years into adulthood before I understood the symbiotic relationship between single prowling men and the chubby girls; exchanging nights of meaningless intimacy for the illusion of desire. (And before you start with the whole "Rape Culture" bullshit, this is purely consensual; the unspoken exchange rate between faux desire and sexual willingness established ages ago...)
And once I figured out this little gimmick, I was off to the races.
I kept two on a constant retainer; be it in times of scarcity or plenty. There was this one for example, Amanda I think her name was. She was a dirty dirty girl, with a pretty face and cartoon sized breasts... But she also had a cartoon sized gut to go along with it; her enormous chest and bulging abdomen gave her the appearance of a bowling ball from across the room and a "war baby" (left in her by some poor soul never returned from the desert), limiting her options for certain carnal needs to be filled. I'd met her at a day care shortly after my divorce. We carried on for over a year, sporadic messages and pictures fueling a purely sexual relationship. We finally broke it off once things got a bit weird (I think I had started seeing someone), with her no doubt moving on to the next joe willing to take her out to a lunch and treat her like a woman every so often. And she was the first of many, an eventual stable created of plus sized women willing to put up with deplorable behavior in exchange for an occasional "good time".
(My absolute bottom was this one lady, I think her name was Theresa. She was a fan of my MySpace blog (remember those?), and really desired to be the subject of one of my "Gonzo" musing (which, it seems she finally did). She was in her late thirties, the years rough and leaving her worse for wear. She bought me and my friends hundreds of dollars in drinks, blew some random barfly I had befriended while I watched (it's a long story), and submitted herself to each odd, depraved act I managed to dream up. For the record, she eventually went to rehab (coke and sex) and has since found salvation in the Lord and lesbianism. She contacted me during the "Step Eight" part of the process, over a separate matter that for whatever reason she held on to longer than I had, and we made good. She thinks I am a depraved pig who abused a woman crying out for help, but acknowledges it wasn't all bad.)
I'm convinced this explains the whole "skinny brother" phenomenon- the uncanny tendency to find a chubby, white woman on the arm of a skinny, good looking brother. There's some speculation that the this might be flavor based; the proof to the theorem that there is someone for everyone. But there are others- myself included- who speculate that the phenomenon is more based on a willingness to tolerate behavior (patience bred from a lack of viable replacement options). (This phenomenon applies less with the larger African American women, due to a propensity of having "Diva Syndrome"- known in white girls as "Not Cute Enough Complex"- in which the subject overplays the hand she has dealt, demanding better treatment and decorum than her physical appearance and personality warrant.
In conclusion, my findings have discovered that chubby chicks tend to be "late bloomers" because highs school boys are a bunch of close minded followers too willing to forgo the pleasures of soft, pink, squishy flesh to avoid the barbs of what we later learn are jealous, bitter boys too ashamed of their own unwillingness to damn the torpedoes of teenage cruelty. Eventually though, the word does get around that some of these girls (typically those with some socially redeeming physical trait) were "Goers" and their social popularity would rise (but not too much, the pretty girls- unwilling to up their game to compete- keeping it in check by slut shaming these big boned Angels of mercy). But as adulthood (or college, as lost had plenty of time to focus on their studies) ends, their dance cards are easier to fill; the better options gobbled up quickly. But there are a few that slip through the cracks, enough to force the less attractive (both the overweight and the physically unappealing) to be more open to using sex (first date sex, kinky sex, random sex) as a selling point.
It's not fair, no... But it is what it is... In the sexual economy, we all have an intricate value and know there are things we can do (be they sexual, financial, interest) to increase our value in that market. Men had contended with this forever; our equivalent to sex being money. Or drugs. Drugs has gotten me into some choice trim I know for a fact I couldn't that've pulled without it. It's why the uglier guys in high school grew up to be funnier, more engaging, and more interesting... Because they had to to stick out.