Thom Acee Builds a Rainbow Bridge...

THOM-ACEEThe world is a turbulent place these days... Turbulent, turbulent, TURBULENT. 

Black folks is pissed. 

Mexicans is pissed. 

Hell, even the damned Gays are pissed, and they're the only ones putting marks in the win column!

For the briefest of moments, I thought we were done bitching about the Gays... 

I really did, sweet boy that I am... Went around for a whole day thinking we had settled all of our gay debates. 

And holy fuckaroni was I wrong... 

071715-rainbowbridge-gayamericaIt wasn't a second after the dance beats of techno remixed Cher songs faded off into the scrapbooks of Pride 2015 that so too began the rhythmic pounding of the new war drums; the sides reshuffling themselves to start skirmishing anew with a whole world of new issues to divide us. (I shouldn't be surprised... I mean, how many people lost nice gigs as rabble rousers and lobbyists once that gavel banged...)

This, of course, will lead to the rancor and bluster that such topics will dredge up to come roaring back to horrific life; our political class all too happy to let us get hopelessly distracted by yet another "who gives a flying fuck" topic while they quietly sell us all collectively to any banker and cooperation willing to pay them.  

And I'll be damned if I'm going to let these fucks create another decade of a million screaming queens griping about social justice. 

So I came up with a solution... 


The Serpent and the Rainbow


Let's be honest... The biggest hill to get over with the whole dispute between Religion and the Gays is the view of Gayness itself. For most of us, homosexuality is a naturally occurring aberration of the species (I believe it to be population control on a genetic level... Making sure a certain percentage of the species is genetically unviable). Nothing monstrous or contagious... Pure and simple biology. 

But for some of these Holy Rollers, it's a sin. And not a lying to your mother, holding hands with Jessie before prom sort of sin. It's a biggie... Right next to killing someone. It's a tough haul, sure. The good book is pretty clear on its sins (God made his feelings pretty clear on the matter with how He treated those thick dicked Sodomites back in the day). But bigger hills have been climbed! 

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It's just going to require some strategy to pull it off... 

It'll be harder to sell the Protestants on the whole loosening up on the Gays. They have too much freedom for 071715-rainbowbridge-antifaginterpretation in their Faith (and, again, the clarity in which the God of Abraham expressed his disdain for the Gay can not be undersold. It was really top of mind for him).  What you need to do is go after the Catholics... 

Unlike those cultish Prods, the Catholics already have felt the sting of social irrelevance; having been around long enough to have seen some great shifts in Human Cultural thinking and survived them through reformation. They are more reasonable in a lot of their thinking than their Protestant Brothers in Christ as well; the Church of Rome rather accepting of the place Evolution has in their version of Creation as well as taking very progressive stances on matters of science and medicine. And they are also the most reasonable when it comes to doing business with the secular world; the wealthiest Religion of the world's faiths hardly getting that way because they are flippant with a buck. 

 

And how you sell them this compromise of their morals is just delicious... Because it's something they just won't be able to say no to... 


The Offer They Won't Refuse... 

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Catholics are big science guys, as we said before. They got their hands in every scientific enterprise going today, from looking for aliens in the furthest corners of space to isolating the smallest molecules known to Man. This includes the efforts to map the genome. Now, as we said before, it seems to be accepted science by now that homosexuality is a genetic trait, like red hair and blue eyes. And, like those traits and countless others, it is then caused by genetic markers. Eventually, as our mapping of the genome grows more and more detailed, there will be the discovery of the gene that causes homosexuality (same as we have done for Down syndrome and other birth defects). Once this occurs, you can bet dollar to donuts that there will be a seismic shift in the feelings of the 071715-rainbowbridge-gaylifenotoriously pro-choice Gays on the issue of abortion. 

And we've seen just how quick that Gay political machine get results with the masses when put to use... They got homosexuality seen as mainstream and won the right to Marry within a span of roughly five to ten years... Breakneck speed, politically speaking. 

And that was with an issue that most Americans were pretty much holding unfavorably. 

Just imagine how quick they'd work an issue most don't really care for and at least half of the country would outlaw if given the choice! 

And just like that, you have this first bond between Gay and Catholic... Unlikely Brothers in arms in the war for the unborn... 

But where do all those now safe to make term babies go... I mean, just because we made abortion illegal doesn't mean that there won't be any more unwanted kids... Just one less avenue to get rid of 'em... 

And here's where the Catholics and the Gays can turn their bond born of combat into the sort of mutually benefitting glue that makes for long term peace and cooperation. 

 

The Catholics give the Gays children. 


Strange Bedfellows... Stranger Beds... 

 

071715-rainbowbridge-dykefamiliesFor lesbian couples, the "dream" of going full suburbs was never that far out of reach. All they need is a shot of the baby batter and they are off to the races, picking out strollers and interviewing at all the super progressive preschools within city limits. But for the Gays, this was always a much harder hill to climb. But, with the exception of a couple here or there, it rarely comes up as the swinging lifestyle of the American Gay male has little space for children (if we are being honest, same goes for the unmarried hetro male). 

But, like the song says:

"First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes Hector with the baby carriage..." 

Gay Nuclear Families will soon be all the rage! And even with their small numbers in be population, that's still some million plus potential loving homes for children to be placed. And children placing happens to be something the Catholics have been long in the game on... 

But, as the Gays are a hip and trend setting sort of group, we will need a bit of bait to bake this hook, as children and play dates don't fit easily Into schedules already busy with brunches and clubbing. 

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So the Catholics take a successful page out of the Animal Rights crowd's playbook and do a little marketing on their throngs of unwanted... 

Call them "Rescue Kids"... 

Change the names of those unwanted little bastards from "orphans" (which brings to mind the images of happy, singing moppets glibly outsmarting their oversexed foster mother, whose a lovable sot when not putting cigarettes out on the dust children, while waiting their turn to be rescued by some Republican business magnate looking to spruce up the PR) and go with the insanely popular "rescue" moniker... Rescue kids. The beds will practically empty themselves. 

071715-rainbowbridge-wrwpawYou can see it now... Priuses and Smart Cars with bumper stickers calling themselves the "rescue parent" of some abused kid, maybe a baby footprint with the words "who rescued who?" written inside in a cutie crayon font... Maybe a couple of late night commercials of these poor unwanted kids in need of rescue with some weepy Tori Amos song playing lightly behind as Winona Ryder tells us how the only thing standing between these kids and a trip to the late-late term abortionist is your donations and willingness to take them in...

Don't go rolling your eyes... Just think of how many otherwise doomed for the executioner dogs and cats have found second tries as a happy life thanks to the whole "rescue animal" concept and then ask yourself: "Why couldn't it work for kids???" (If for nothing more than because people love telling you how they rescued their dog. Think people like boring you to death telling you how their couch being eaten is a small price to pay for the feeling you get when you see that poor little broken soul come flourishing back to tail wagging life??? Think of how much more they would love boring you to death with a story about how they inconvenienced their lives horrifically to re-civilize some half feral trailer park kid from Mobile with a mom that was a little young and an uncle that was a little too fingery...) The idea is so strong that even hipsters and leftist pukes will get in on it (the Leftists seeing extra benefit in their ability to ensure they do not bring in any more white faces into the world while,the hipsters will go hunting for those mutated, Mercury in the water China and India babies with six arms and three faces...) It's genius! 

071715-rainbowbridge-fagojimaThe Gays will be cool with the Catholics because that's where those status symbol babies come from... 

And the Catholics settled in their feelings toward the Gay as they have seen previously unwanted (and nearly aborted) babies are now in happy homes (and even a gay home is better than the end of a coat hanger, isn't it). Probably tie it to that whole "Lord working in Mysterious ways" mumbo jumbo...

And there you have it... Issue solved. 

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Middle East to figure out.... 

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