The start of another school year means a whole batch of news stories about what the latest trend is in how the kids are getting high these days. Pipes in highlighters and lipstick cases are always popular ways to sneak a buzz. But this year, the rage is all in the anal absorption of alcohol.
Rectal beer bongs and tampons soaked in vodka (which are then inserted anally) are just a few of the new and dangerous ways kids are choosing to get their rocks off these days.
"It's quicker absorption, it's hidden and it's new," said Stephanie Siete of Community Bridges, a Valley substance abuse, treatment and detox center on the latest trend in getting fucked up.
Wow... rectal beer bongs and cramming tampons soaked in vodka up your ass (which I imagine burns like a motherfucker going in) in order to get buzzed quickly? Has our society become so addicted to instant gratification that we don't even have the patience to work on a good drunk?
I know that it sounds like I am just turning into a curmudgeon, but for fucks sake... what's the point in getting drunk or high if you are not going to sit back, relax, and enjoy it?
(Oh and kids... FYI- turning your highlighter into a bowl never a good idea. As the plastic heats up, it emits chemicals which not only makes your weed taste like shit, but can poison you [which can kill you, thus harshing your mellow]. Instead, why not make a temporary bowl out of aluminum foil or, should you be a bit more creative, carve one out of an apple.)