Why facebook is better than TV...


social-networksAs social networking sites have become more prevalent in the culture, there comes a time when we- not just as individuals, but as a society- have to come to some sort of understanding as to what is cool and what isn't cool to put on said sites. 


mileycyrus1In recent month, stories have popped up here and there of people paying dire prices for putting a little too much of themselves on the sites.  Stories of people paying hefty life fines for nudie pics, too much information, or just letting too much of their deepest darkest personal thoughts) have been around for a few, we still find ourselves constantly shooting ourselves in the foot through these cursed sites.


In my own life, a few of my friends have been putting themselves a little too much out there.  Strings of depressing, self flagellating updates, sad little micro-tales of events gone wrong, and break ups have been popping up more and more these days.  But all these micro-novellas have all be self contained; wrapped up in an update or two.  But there were a few updates that have stuck in my craw...


Here's a story of a "lovely" lady...


Before we get to the apex of this tragic tale, we must first discuss how it got to this point .  This is where we drunk-chick-floormeet our antagonist, Shmashley. 


How I know Shmashley is irrelevant, but it would be safe to say that we are friends who knew each other back in the day.  This is how we came to be Facebook friends. 


Now, for about a month or so, the usual status updates of concert goings, well wishing and picture tagging, and the when's and where's to the evening's drink-em-downs made way to what is slowly starting to become a sign of the times,  Looking for places to crash and favors to cash in after what seemed to be a series of unfortunate events that sabotaged things for her and her boyfriend of several years, Shmessie homeless-chick(whom we will discuss more in a little bit) and their dogs.  It was all kind of sad, but more than that it was engrossing... more engrossing than any made up television drama. 


But as we quickly approached Christ's birthday, whatever happiness that would have been found in her earlier posts was slowly starting to die; the Holiday Season doing little to ease the sting of her situation.  The desperation was starting to become palpable.  References to starting to run out of favors were starting to creep in more and more often.  Doom was starting to set in.


Now I am not gonna comment on the status of Shmashley's addictive nature (nor am I going to speculate as to if she in fact has one), but stemming from what I know of her (both from my own associations and through mutual friends), it is safe to say something has a hold on her.  Nothing draws out a personal demon quite like tough times.. And from the sound of her status updates, time had certainly gotten tough.  Be it an affinity for the grape, the powder, or just some gold ol' strange dick- whatever had a hold of her was starting to get loose as her grip on stability and security was becoming ever weaker.


This is where we get to the crux of this torrid tale.


The Passion of Shmessie...


loserNow I do not know Shmessie all that well.  Had a few beers with him and never bore the guy any ill will or anything... just never got to know him too good.  He seemed nice enough- both to his girlfriend and to anyone else (including me).  I know he is good at computers and knows where to find any manner of pirated software out there.  But alas, knowing where to find the DJ Dangermouse CD that has been leaked to the public online does not translate into finding gainful employment necessary to keep a home for you and your broad.  But that is a situation that any of us could find ourselves in, and it has nothing to do with this story in and of itself.  But it is key in understanding the manner of Man we are dealing with as this story unravels...


It started last Monday, I believe.


(The following quotes are drawn from my memory and the memories of others... I tried to get the originals, but sadly someone scrubbed his/her tracks...)


Shmessie: Watching Avatar... All alone...


To be truthful, I had barely noticed it... It's cryptic message still not revealed to me (as they are the kind of couple who misses the other when they are out earning as living or in any other way away from the other... it would be sweet of it not so damned pathetic.)


The following morning, I awoke to a new message:


Shmessie: Still no word... getting worried.


This signaled to me that something had happened, but not knowing what exactly (or truthfully not caring to know either) I put on my clothes and went back to the salt mine I work in during the day.  I had no idea what wonders would await for me when I next checked Facebook.


I got home at my usual time on Tuesday and opened my Facebook to find what would consume the rest of my night:


Shmessie: Just did something I never thought I would do... Filing a missing person's report.


Now my attention was peaked...


A missing person's report is kind of a big deal.  Curious to see what I had missed, I began to scroll down my Facebook page, stopping at all of Shmessie's updates.  I scrolled all the way to the beginning of the day, so as to get the whole story from the beginning. 


There were a lot of updates on no update, if you will... a lot of expressing concern about his missing broad's whereabouts, and a lot of Kidnapped_3-1friends of his (and hers, I imagine as well) wishing him luck and for her swift return.  But then the messages turned dark.  There were fewer calls for her to get in touch with him and more of his imagination running away with him.  Words like "DEAD" "DITCH" and "ABDUCTION" were starting to make their way into his updates (and comment replies). 


Some of the friends (me included) began also telling him to take the hint and maybe use this as an opportunity for him to make a clean break of everything and have a nice fresh start.  Understandably, these comments were met with disgust (that being said, they were all good advice):


Shmessie: ...I am not gonna think about moving on with the rest of my life while my girlfriend is laying  face down in a ditch somewhere (no one was laying face down in a ditch) or bound to a chair and gagged having God knows what done to her.


The messages continued through the night, the dire predictions made by Shmessie were starting to become more depressing than they were captivating, but I stayed hooked... the drama too much to turn away.


When I finally went to bed later on that night, the matter was still unresolved...


The following morning and throughout the next day no resolution was given to the situation.  Shmashley was still missing; Shmessie was still losing his mind and predicting just the most awful things imaginable.  I found myself racing home to see the latest news on the matter at the end of the day.  And that's when the disappointment came:


Shmessie: All is well.  Won't be updating my status for a while but things are all better now.  (or something to that effect...)


A Closing Thought...


All is well???  ALL IS WELL??? 


For two days this son of a bitch had me following the "Passion of Shmessie"(as it had become known to me and a few friends) and now, as it all got wrapped up, the best way he could fucking end it was "All is well"??? 

I felt like I had masturbated just enough to make my balls hurt and get the blood flowing then just stopped...


ALL IS WELL?  What kind of fucking shit is that???


The least he could have done is told us, those who took the time to follow this evolving melodrama, is maybe an update or two thanking us for our concern (or faux concern as some of us had seen this movie before and knew that she was on a bender, not becoming source material for a horror movie) and maybe telling us where in fact she had been.  Not the gory details or anything... didn't need him to write down how his broad had gone on a booze and pill bender (allegedly), or how she was taking a mile of dick six inches at a time (also allegedly).  No one needs to know that.


27335_keep mouth shutBut after following this nonsense for two whole days, I thought I was entitled to a simple and very understandable "She needed a few days out of the shit.  Blew off some steam (and the line cooks at a Waffle House... I know, low blow but I could not resist...), and is now back and the two of us are stronger than ever." 


Now would have that been too hard?


And don't give me that shit about how what went on between them is between them and it has nothing to do with the rest of us voyeurs, fuck all that.  Those two gave up that right the second that they took their personal lives to the internet. 


So I guess what I am asking for is for a little consideration.  Please people... keep the deep, dark parts of your personal lives off of my Facebook. But if you insist on stripping yourself that bare and literally putting everything out there for the world to see, have the decency to make sure you do not leave the story unfinished... if you want to be our entertainment, then please be my entertainment... just don't lead me on for three days only to not deliver a money shot. 


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