Top Five Apocalypses...

SkullCloudWe talk a lot about the end of the world on this website...

Hell, to be honest it is kind of hard not to...

The whole Middle East is on fire... The economy's collapsing before our very eyes...

With baited breath we sit by watching the nightly news, listening to a litany of atrocities and horrors unfold before us as those we elect to lead us seem more concerned with picking over the scraps of what's going to be left than preventing these events from unfolding.

But fear not, my friends...

This isn't the first time in the history of Man that some of us thought that "The End is Near"...

And something tells me it won’t be the last...

To celebrate the coming End Time (we can with May of 2011, October of 2011, December of 2012...) The Weekly Constitutional presents to you...

The Top Five Greatest Failed Apocalypses...

1992_does_god_care_22_large5). The Jehovah's Witness:

Originally I wanted to list these Apocalypses by date but there's just one problem with those wacky Jehovah's Witnesses... they keep predicting the End of the World!

I mean which date we want to go with... Some of their previous Doomsdays are: 1874, 1881, 1914, 1920, and most recently 1994.

Needless to say, they were all wrong...

shipton4). 1881

A 16th-century British prophetess named Mother Shipton supposedly wrote: "The world to an end shall come; in Eighteen Hundred and Eighty One." The verse was included in an 1862 collection published by Charles Hindley. Then Charles Piazzi Smyth, a respected Astronomer Royal for Scotland, claimed he discovered clues in the Great Pyramids of Giza that pointed to 1881 as the world's end.

Turned out that it wasn't...

Years later Hindey would admit to making up the prophecy in order to sell more books...

20003). Y2K!

Who doesn’t remember the paranoia, the hoarding, and the survivalist training that surrounded the change from 1999 to 2000.

Believed to be the date of the biggest (and final-  bonus!) computer crashing all of human history, Y2K!had experts predicting nuclear war when early-warning systems malfunctioned, an economic calamity as financial software failed, and an all-around grinding halt to our tech-dependent lifestyles. In the end, most computers were updated in time or failed to adhere to the alarmists' predictions.

William_Miller2). 1843-44

The good minister William Miller predicted that the Rapture would be happening somewhere between March 21 1843- March 21, 1844.  According to the newspapers of the time, Rev. Miller had some 100,000 sheep in his flock that- on March 21, 1843- simply stopped being productive citizens in anticipation of the Apocalypse.

When the sun rose on March 22, 1844 and the world had not morphed into an Iron Maiden cover, Rev. Miler "rescheduled" the Rapture (due to a Divine misunderstanding) for later on that year, in October.

Needless to say, it was also wrong.

ufo-dorothy1).1954

On August 27, 1954, Chicago housewife Dorothy Miller received a message from aliens of the planet Clarion via "automatic writing" alleging that they would be coming on December 21, 1954to pick her and a select few followers up in their flying saucers in order to keep them safe from the massive global flood predicted to also occur on December 21, 1954.

Many of her followers sold off their worldly possessions- including their homes- and quit their jobs as the date grew close.

Miller and her followers huddled together on Doomsday only to find no UFOs or floods.  Miller then told her flock that because of their faiths "God" decided to spare the world.

She then fled to Peru in fear for her safety.

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