Dr. Ape-Love (or why I am scared of Monkey Apocalypse...)

monkey-techono-art2For some reason the idea of apes one day rising up against Man has always been a concept that has somewhat tortured my mind…

Even as a boy I found myself tossing and turning at night, my mind racing over the idea that one day Man would do something that would end up giving over control of the world to our distant genetic cousins, the damn dirty apes.

But what always ended up granting me solace once trapped in these endless anxiety loops concerning a monkey apocalypse was the fact that while seemingly a plausible and terrifying fate for Mankind, the Planet of the Apes scenario (where techno-morphed animals rise up against their human creators and take over the world) painted in the science fiction classic was a little off…in particular when it comes to the all-out take over.

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Sure, super smart monkeys (and by monkeys know that I am really meaning chimps and apes… I realize that they are great apes, same as us, but I am not going to give chimpanzee-at-typewriter-art2them that dignity. They are monkeys like their tree dwelling asshole cousins and that’s that) that have the strength of ten retarded strongmen (as retarded strongmen are the strongest of the strongmen because of their legendary “retard strength”) and a regular human like mind; a mind that would (in theory)allow the monkey army to get itself organized into a blitzkrieg attack formation that might be able to take out a mid-sized populous (like a subdivision let’s say) of unarmed citizenry unprepared for a war with the apes.

But I always thought that when it came down to packs of pissed off super smart monkeys revolting against the standing armies of Man, all the retard strength those furry bastards had meant nothing when pit against bullets and missiles; the curse of that opposable thumb coming back to bite our fuzzy cousins in the end.

But then this video (admittedly a viral video connected to the Rise of the Planet of the Apes film set for release in a few weeks) caught my eye and has had me sleepless for a few nights now…

Have a gander:



Now I am not so deluded as to think that this is real footage of a monkey shooting African guerillas…

chimp-art2Just saying that the monkey still had to be taught how to wield the gun in order to shoot the commercial and indeed it did…

What’s to say now that this chimp doesn’t go and train other chimps how to pull triggers and kill man?

Not that out there a thought…

 

 

There have been plenty of recent studies claiming that more and more wild monkeys are learning how to make and use simple tools.

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What’s to stop this chimp (whether trained to do this for a treat or a legit African chimp that just picked something up on accident) from then teaching the other chimps how to do this?

And these are just regular old “no smarter than a cleaver four year old” chimp that we deal with on the day to day…

Imagine how much more likely a thought this is if you are dealing with genetically altered “super smart apes”…

But what do I knowchimp-toolart2

This is just pot talk…

Isn’t it?

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