This evening, while enjoying one of the last few nights my wife and I will share uninhibited by the self-centered cries of a newborn, a conversation sparked up between the two of us that left my wife feeling different than she was when she entered into it…
It all started innocently enough… my wife and I were seated in the drive thru of our local Mickey D’s preparing to feast upon $1.99 Happy Meals (not out of cheapness but rather a deep desire to collect all 16 of the lovable Smurf figures they are stuffing within the deep fried delights) when she asked me a question she never really asked me before…
“What do you worry about?”
Me- “What do you mean ‘What do you worry about’?”
Annie- “Yea, what do you worry about? Like I worry about bills and work and the baby and stuff like that. Just wondering what goes on in that head of yours…”
I thought for a second, placed my order at the speaker (making sure to specify the amount of sauces I needed with my order since for some reason McDonald’s got all stingy with the dipping sauces), and looked at her slightly confused.
M- “You don’t wanna know about the shit I think about at night…”
A- “Yes I do. Is it scary???”
M- “Yea… Not proud of it but this shit has certainly kept me up a few hours longer than it probably should have…”
A- “Oh… Now you have to tell me…”
I pull to the second window, handing the teenage monkey the cash and getting in return my change and boxes of goodness. I put my straw in the insultingly small cup (I know it is a meal intended for a kid but seriously, there is like a spit of soda in that fucking cup once you get through the 10 ounces of ice in that Dixie cup) and slurp down the Dr. Pepper kept within in a single gulp.
M- “Well, the other night I was listening to Coast to Coast…”
A- “What have I told you about smoking pot and listening to Coast…?”
M- “I was listening to Coast when there was this guy on it going on and on and on about the many varied dangers of genetically engineered agriculture being forced upon the world by Monsanto. About how these science experiments are being unleashed on the world; Nature’s time tested genetic recipe all distorted and gnarled by do gooder men eager to improve what it took God eons to perfect. How these modified flora and fauna have been linked to all sorts of neurological and physical deformities in infants as well as a myriad of different maladies and conditions in adults (shit like cancer, diabetes, infertility, and the sort).
I started thinking about this shit and it took me into a deep tailspin…”
A- “A Deep tailspin about what…”
M- “A tailspin of thought! This Monsanto bullshit was the missing link in the chain reaction my mind deemed necessary for the Illuminati to have going on in order for their diabolical plan to subjugate the world to their will to come to fruition. See, they have this goal of a limited population – kept that way by sanctioning the births (as well as the procreators involved) and deaths in this new vision of society.”
A- “But how does genetically modified food fit in?”
M- “The genetically modified food is linked to causing all of these horrific birth defects in children. Won’t take but a few percent on the risk scale to slide before the norm goes from making kids the ol’ fashioned way to the more secure and sophisticated method of making kids in a laboratory in order to insure the screening out of all of the genetic deformities that are being caused in babies by the mutant food… Laboratories run by scientists and doctors that will be working for the Machine (as within a few generations the single payer healthcare will be all any American can afford due to the collapsing economy) which means that the Machine will have its eye on who is and is not having kids, just like they do in China.
In order to insure that our society keeps making kids in labs (to limit the babies being born broken), chemical forms of birth control will be handed out free of charge to everyone starting in grade school (recent stories about female birth control being free to all Americans starting next year and clinical successes in the creation of Male Birth Control pills). How long before- between the mutant food and the chemical sterilization pills- before we humans are no longer able to procreate the old fashioned way? There are already reports of lower sperm counts in men as well as lower fertility rates and birth rates globally… Think that’s just a happy coincidence???”
A- “No, but I don’t also think it the cause of a megalomaniacal global cabal bent on the enslavement of Mankind.”
M- “And that’s the brilliance of this plan! They don’t have to do a fucking thing… The mutant food makes the retard babies. The fact that nothing scares people more than having a retard baby makes the selling the world on the idea of banning the natural forms of procreation, opting for a safer alternative of making babies in laboratories. We already race to the voting booths to ban the giving away of toys within Happy Meals… think we won’t make it mandatory to only have babies made in the labs? Especially when you start getting 3 to 1 and 2 to 1 odds in making a less than perfect child if you o it yourself (and with the rising cased of autism and down syndrome being seen throughout the world, are we really all that far off?)…”
I looked at her, my eyes wide with anticipation. Someone was about to have their mind blown…
A- “Really. Monsanto and their genetically engineered wheat is going to somehow kick off the domino effect that will eventually end with all the world bending their knee to the rule of a secret group of blood thirsty elites that so easily signed off on the murder of billions through test tube babies is what keeps you up at night?”
She just shakes her head and reaches over to the radio, her delicate fingers sliding the knob to the right ending whatever thought I might have had oif further trying to convince her of the impending danger the world finds itself in the unmelodic shreaks of Bjork’s ”Human Behavior”. Through the pounding drums and moans of the Icelandic pixie’s “hit” I hear her mutter “He finally smoked himself retarded…”