Monster Energy is from the DEVIL!!!!

111214-monster-logoIf there was a new drug out there, it would have to be the energy drink. These overpriced, shitty sodas claim themselves to be your rocket fuel to party city, though normally they leave you jittery and in a less than desirable situation. 

Personally, I always knew there had to be some damned voodoo that made me crave that nuclear waste yellow
syrup of caffeine and pseudo-nutrients like crack. Naturally at first, I thought it actually was crack (or some chemical equivalent the people at Coke would love to figure out... Nothing sells soda like cold sweats and nausea induced cramping), but in all candor I would have had ungodly witch's brew as a close second. 

And I wasn't alone at such trepidations. 

Watch as a woman barely holding firm her grip to sanity explains to us Satan's plan to steal souls via energy drinks...


 

Highway to Hell

I dunno about you guys but it makes perfect sense to me.... 

In my life I see a direct link between my less than stellar judgements and energy drinks try (and keep Red Bull free and clear all you like, but they are knee deep in this mess too... This woman has opened my eyes... Got me seein' truth... There is a red cloven hoofed demon bull on the side of that can. Red, horns, tail... Satan... See the connections, maaaaaaaaaaan)... 

111214-monster-satan

Not one....

Parked my car on the ninth green of a golf course on my way home? Energy drinks were there....

Went to the casino until five in the morning, snorted coke with a local TV anchor, and blew a week's paycheck on 111214-monster-devilcanvideo poker?? Energy drinks were there.... 

Told a fat girl she was a head of lettuce away from being a manatee??? Yup, energy drinks. 

Sure, Jäger was there too... But I don't see no Godly women out there claiming Jäger to be concentrated devil juice...

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